I Cried Last Night

No, not because I'm still pregnant (which, as of 4pm Monday, I still am).

Meg was only operating at about 80% yesterday . . . and her normal bedtime routine just was not enough for her. She typically goes right to sleep after a few stories, but she was still awake 25 minutes after our 'night nights' last night. When I went in to check on her, she sat up . . . and with the saddest look on her face, she said, "Rock" (Which, at our house, means 'Please rock me Mommy.').


So, I picked her up and walked her into Kate's room . . . where the rocking chair now resides . . . and we rocked. I turned on the bedtime music in Kate's room, and Meg and I sat in the rocking chair together, gently moving back and forth and listening to the soft nursery sounds. The sun was setting outside, so as we rocked, the room was slowly getting darker and darker . . . and by the time Meg's eyes were finally getting heavy, the only light in the room was from a little lamb nightlight in the corner.


I looked at Meg. I watched her eyes drooping . . . felt her body relaxing . . . and I started to feel a lot of emotions.


With her two year old body curled around my big belly, I thought about that moment when Meg comes into our hospital room and meets Kate for the first time. I envisioned her climbing into the bed with me and examining her sister from head to toe. I wondered what she'll say, how she'll react. I pictured the smile on her face and the little sounds Kate would make in response to her big sister.

One phrase kept running through my head, "We have two daughters."


The tears came. Silent tears, the kind that fill up your eyes and spill over without warning. My heart was flooded with all of these thoughts . . . it was a feeling that overwhelmed me. I looked away from Meg, and more tears came . . . and I really started to cry.


It felt SO good. The crying was so refreshing, so cleansing. Not one tear was shed in fear of what's to come or in pain for what I'm experiencing now. They were tears of joy, tears of excitement. I can't believe how lucky our family is. What could I ever have done so right in my life to be exactly where I wanted to be . . . to get everything I'd always wanted?


After about 10 minutes of letting these emotions wash over me and soaking them in, I finally scooped Meg up and put her down in her room. I pushed the hair out of her face and wiped my own tears.



It was a great feeling. One I'll never forget. Sure, you can chalk the emotion up to the raging hormonal imbalance in my totally pregnant body . . . but I'm not ashamed. I'm so incredibly grateful for everything I have. I think the crying was the only way I could cope with the wonderful things that our about to happen at our house.