I'd Never

As I put Meg down for her nap earlier this week in her new Disney Princess T-Shirt and Sleeping Beauty pull up . . . after carefully removing her Cinderella panties while she was still wearing her Disney Princess slippers . . . I thought, "There are sooooo many things I said I would never do as a parent that I have already done."

We all know this feeling. Back before we had kids, we thought we knew it all . . .



"Oh MY goodness. My kid will NEVER throw a tantrum like that in public!"
"I'll never let MY baby scream in a restaurant!"
"Bribing with candy is something I'LL never do."

The list could go on and on. But then a baby is born, and you realize it is actually alive with feelings and actions all it's own. You realize there are things you can control, things you can't. Battles you can fight, and those you can just let them win. You find that maybe all those things you thought you would never do are (a) maybe not so bad or (b) just not worth the effort.



My own personal 'things I'd never do when I am a mom' list includes:



1. "I'll never let my child wear all that licensed character-wear. All that Disney or Dora stuff . . . that's awful. None of that for my girls."


HA HA. As soon as Meg fell in love with the Backyardigans just before turning one, this 'never' was off my list. And today, more than a year later and nearly 3 years into mommyhood, I think I could even be accused of feeding the princess obsession with the amount of princess-laden things I purchase for Meg. She's got jammies, panties, slippers, toys, socks, books, stickers, dinner ware . . . it's ALL princess around here. And I thought I'd never do that.





2. "I'll never bribe. That just produces a kid who expects things in return for doing what I need him/her to do anyway."

This, I have found, is not as drastic as it seems. You can use a little innocent bribery when the time is right, and you'll get what you need without totally spoiling your kid. I've found bribery to be a useful tool, as long as it's not overused. And -- believe me -- I've crossed into the 'overused' area, and it's ain't pretty. I don't know how I would have potty trained Meg without a little reward here and there for her efforts. See -- bribery properly used can even be referred to a 'reward' . . . as long as you know that you are still bribing the kid. Face it: it's easy, too. "Just do this for me, then you can have a cookie," is often a sure fire, quick way to get what you need out of your kid. Quick & Easy -- two key benefits of bribery. When you don't have all the time in the world to rationalize with your kid -- or you realize that rational thought won't work -- bribery becomes appealing very quickly.




3. "I won't say 'Because I said so . . .' to my child. That was so frustrating as a kid!"



Yeah, well, when you are the parent, there are often times you couldn't care less if you are frustrating your kid. You just need them to listen to you, and you don't have the energy for an explanation. And, once I started talking in circles with Meg -- answering her every "Why?" and getting "Why?" as her response -- I quickly resorted to: Because I said so!



4. "My kid won't be a couch potato."

The dreaded TV -- or 'TB" in Meg-speak. I could quite possibly carry more guilt about the television watching than anything else, and I'm not kidding. I do feel like Meg watches waaaaaaay to much TV. "Just stop -- you control it," I hear you saying. Oh, if it were that easy. I try to limit it . . . but with only ONE of me here 4 days a week, I have to result to something that occupies her time for longer than 5-10 minutes in order to keep our household afloat. I need her to do something so that I can have a few minutes to myself -- to do more things for her, of course.



Books? She'll look at them for about, maybe, 10 minutes on her own, then she needs me to read every last one to her. Can't do laundry while reading to Meg. Coloring? Art projects? Again, the attention span is limited. I can maybe unload the dishwasher, then her interest has wained and she wants something else to do. TV, however, will hook her in for at least 20-25 minutes. And, during that time, she'll be playing with toys or playing with Kate . . . but the TV is there to catch her if her attention to an activity wanders. So there you have it -- how I justify the amount of TV Meg (and Kate) watches: I just have to use it as a babysitter a few times a day. I said I'd never do that, but do it I must.



5. "I'll play with my kids all the time . . . how dare that mom shoo her kid off and say, 'Go find something else to do -- go play with your friends,' !!"

How quickly I realized that I DO play with my kid ALL the time, and I still want her to go off and find something else to do at many points in the day. As adults -- as parents -- as humans -- we all need a break sometimes.

I'm sure we could keep the list going -- and, if you'd like, please comment and share something YOU said YOU would never do with your kids. We're all friends, here. I'm sure you'll even get a few "Me too!" comments in response!

Off to wash those princess pajamas . . .