Potty Training -- The Phases

Meg, Marietta GA, July 5, 2008


One year ago this month -- July 5th, to be exact -- we potty trained Meg. It took about 3 days of staying at home, tons of juice, and LOTS of time in the bathroom . . . but we did it. And with relative ease, I might add. The one year anniversary was sweet. She's been such a big girl for so long now, it's hard to even remember a time when I changed her little diapers.



And now I have lots of friends with nearly-two or barely-two year olds that are all talking about potty training. As one of the 'pioneers' to some of those friends, I thought I'd share some of what you might expect during the whole potty training process . . . from the mom's point of view, not the kid's.




Phase I: Let's See if This Works

You decide you are going to potty train. You pick your method -- whatever it may be -- and day that you are going to start the process. Or maybe it's gradual . . . you try it off an on for a while, but eventually you are ready to go full out with a commitment to underwear, not diapers. You think to yourself -- more than once -- "I wonder if this is going to work . . ."



You spend a LOT of time on the potty in this phase. Let's go potty! Want to try the potty again? I'll read you a story if you come sit on the potty! Any time not spent ON the potty is spent thinking about the potty. When is the last time she went potty? What has she had to drink today? Has she gone #2 on the potty today? While your kid continues to go about their normal daily routine of eating, playing, and sleeping, you are consumed with their need and ability to use the potty. It's pretty exhausting . . . and it can be pretty messy, depending on your kid and her readiness to commit to underwear in the same way YOU are committed to underwear.



I do not pretend to be above bribery at this stage in the game. It works, and I have never heard of a 4 year old that needed an M&M to go potty. Clearly, a little sweet treat, sticker, etc., when the pee hits the water is NOT a bad thing. It's not hard to give up, either . . . we treated Meg for a few days, then we just told her that she's so big she didn't need treats any more. For her, the praise and the attention was enough to fill her up. And I think for most kids, weaning off the bribes would come easy enough. Don't underestimate the power or bribery, especially if you are looking for something to give little one that extra kick in the diaper.

As for sleeping . . . I was a big proponent of NO diapers at all once we were ready to commit to potty training. We used Pull Ups for naps and bedtime from Day 1 of potty training. We originally called them 'sleeping panties' . . . but after Meg heard Jim and I say 'Pull Up' so many times, she just started calling them Pull Ups. She knew the difference between a Pull Up and a diaper instantly, so there was no regression or anything. I thought we'd only wear Pull Ups for a little while . . . but little did I know all that goes on in the whole sleep-training phase of potty usage (read on, I'll talk more about it later).

There is a period toward the end of this first phase where you switch from constantly asking if the potty is needed to waiting for a potty request. In other words, letting them TELL you they need to potty instead of constantly suggesting it. This is a slippery slope . . . you want to get away from always prompting potty use to actually letting your little one figure out exactly what it feels like to need to go . . . so inevitably there are accidents in this transition. It's normal. But once you can trust them to let you know that the potty is needed, you find yourself a little less obsessed with their potty usage. Dangerously, you let your little one take the reigns.




Phase 2: Leaving the House

At some point, you feel that you have conquered the commitment to underwear . . . at least when you are home or at someone else's house. You've gone some period of time with no accidents . . . you can somewhat trust that he/she knows when the potty is needed . . . and you feel that you are ready for a public outing in underwear. Some reach this phase quicker than others, and some put off this phase for a long as possible with the use of Pull-Ups. Either way, there will come a time when you are ready to venture out without a safety net, and -- believe me -- it's a scary venture.

At this time, prepare yourself for the extra time outings will take. Before you even leave, you have to go through the potty motions. Need to potty before we go? C'mon, let's try . . . and all that might entail. Once you are out, you feel the sudden need to know where all public bathrooms are at all times . . . and you also find yourself struggling to remember how much your kid has had to drink before you left for your outing. Going out for a morning grocery shopping expedition? Try not to load up on milk or water at breakfast. Entering the mall? Keep an eye out for public restroom signs because you'll probably need that information in the near future. Public outings take on a whole new life with you have a little bladder tagging along.

This phase is also when your little one discovers his/her fascination with public toilets. Oh, yes. From what I hear, this is common and normal in ALL kids . . . girls, boys, early or late trainers. Once you take them to a public potty, they find themselves fascinated with the new toilets, sinks, hand dryers, doors, mirrors . . . it's like a virtual water wonderworld for the under 3 set. Be prepared to visit LOTS of public bathrooms. (I recommend NOT potty training the cold/flu season for obvious reasons.)

And, unfortunately, the lure of the bathroom can also give way to many (many, many) false alarms. This -- and this alone -- was one of THE MOST FRUSTRATING periods in my potty training experience. "Mommy, I have to potty," is declared, and you drop everything you are doing to get JR to the potty. You abandon your shopping cart and head to the total other side of the store. You gather everything from your picnic and drag it to the bathroom. You leave your food unattended in the food court and hope nobody bothers it. (And, if you are like I was, you grab Baby, too . . . a whole other pain-in-the-neck aspect.) You rush to the bathroom, get everyone inside, pants down, on the potty, and . . . "I don't need to go," is what you hear from your darling toddler. Beyond annoyed and frustrated, you straddle a fence of discipline . . . impressing on your kid how important it is to go to the bathroom when it's needed, but also relaying the agony of 'false alarms' in public. It's yet another slippery slope in the potty training process, but it passes in time. (If I had to put a number on that time, I'd say about 6 months or so . . . after about 6 solid months of potty, the false alarms really do tend to die off.)

Another note on leaving the house: I highly recommend a car potty. We got a cheap little plastic potty at Ikea for about $5, and I've said many times that it is the best $5 we could have spent on any piece of baby gear. It stays in the trunk and is only used in emergencies . . . or at parades, on long road trips, or at the park. It really comes in handy. And it's SO much easier to pull over in a parking lot, put your kid in the back of your SUV (okay, so an SUV and a car potty kinda go hand-in-hand), and let her potty. It saves the hassle of getting everyone out of the car and into a gas station or fast food establishment. It allows baby to keep sleeping in her car seat when big sister has an emergency potty stop. It does require mom or dad to get rid of the excrement, but that is really not a big deal. (By the time we are potty training, poop and all other bodily fluids pouring from our kids really don't bug us moms too much, do they?) Get a potty for your car. You will not regret it.

Phase 3: It Worked!

YOU probably feel a much bigger sense of accomplishment that you kid does . . . and that is OK. You have accomplished something BIG -- no more diapers! You have a big kid now! Go celebrate!

Lots of praise continues in this phase as JR becomes more and more accustomed to the new normal in bathroom processes. Please don't kid yourself: the occasional 'accident' will happen, even in this third phase. Six months into your training and at the worst time possible, your smiling kid will come to you and say, "I went stinky in my panties, Mommy." Or you will arrive at a lunch date with your dressed-so-cute kiddo, and as you pull her out of her car seat you realize that she is completely soaked from her knees to mid back . . . and the car seat is soaked, too . . . all due to a car ride potty accident. It happens. And you hate it. A lot of eye rolling and scolding come into play during these accidents because is is now safe to let your toddler know that accidents are NOT OK anymore.

But -- accidents aside -- this is it. It's safe to sat that by this phase, you've made it. The training is done. Now you grow together in your potty bliss.

In this phase, you go from helping your little one on to and off of the potty during each and every potty break to letting her go all by herself. You might start with a little training potty and transition to the full size toilet. You teach your kid all of the proper potty etiquette . . . like washing your hands after potty use and NOT touching everything in a public restroom (especially the toilet!). Your baby will learn quickly how to pull her own clothing up and down to go potty . . . though this is harder during the winter months due to the bulk of winter wardrobes.

And then one magic day, she goes all by herself. Tells you she has to go, goes into the bathroom alone, takes care of her clothing and the logistics of potty usage, goes potty, cleans up, and comes out to declare: "I did it all by myself!" (For us, this was probably 8-ish months after the initial training days.)

On this magic day, you will probably find yourself conflicted in your emotions . . . as we moms so often are. You are so very happy to say GOOD BYE to the diaper stage, so very proud of your little one for the big accomplishment of potty training. But then you look into those sparkling, super proud eyes . . . and you remember the very first diaper you ever changed for her. You might even remember a few funny diaper incidents from her babyhood. And your heart breaks just a little bit, knowing that your kid is that much further from being your baby.

But then you think about how much MONEY you'll save by not buying diapers, and your heart mends itself long enough for you to run out and buy that pair of shoes you've been eyeing for weeks. After all, we don't have to buy diapers any more!

The Final Phase: Night Training

Or really, just sleep training. You have to train them not to pee in their bed, be it at nap time or bed time. We are still working on this one . . . at least at bed time. It's really the true final phase, but it doesn't follow the other phases exactly. For some, it comes quickly. For others, it might not happen for a while after daytime potty is full force.

Nap time was the first sleep period we conquered . . . after about 8/9 months day trained. We didn't push it. Meg had a strict "stay in your bed" rule for a while as we took on the big girl bed, and that rule held throughout the potty training process. (If you know Meg, she is such a stickler for rules . . . it's hard to get her to break one!) She also had a bed rail on her bed and a stool was needed for her to get in and out of bed during the time we were potty training . . . so the act of getting up and down to potty while in bed really wasn't easy.

Once the bed rail and stool were gone AND Meg was waking up dry nearly every nap, we decided to play the "Big girls can SLEEP in panties!" card. It totally worked. She was nap-trained quickly. Then there was a set back about a month after nap training was thought to be complete . . . and by 'set back' I mean about a week or two where there was FAR to many bedsheet changes going on for my taste. But, without too much scolding or worry, we are firmly back on the wagon and wearing panties all day long these days.

Night time . . . that it a different issue. Meg is 3+ now, and she still wakes up SOAKED in the morning. Her Pull Up stinks somethin' fierce many mornings . . . I guess she saves up all that apple juice and gets it out overnight. I don't know. Whatever it is, she is far from being ready to go all night without a potty break. And she doesn't seem to wake up when she is going (we know because there have been a few nights of forgotten Pull Ups) . . . but when she does wake up wet, BOY she does not like it. Instead of torturing her into panties by letting her wet at night, we are just waiting it out. When she wakes up at least once or twice moderately dry, then I'll think more about night training.

I've heard from some moms-of-older-kids that night training can take years . . . that many aren't ready until age 4 or older. Again, I don't know . . . if that's true, it makes me feel better. If not, then oh well. We conquered the day -- I'll keep you updated on the night.

In Conclusion . .

Anyway . . . I hope that helped. Or at least offered some comic relief. Good Luck, my friends. I'll be thinking of you . . . and I'll be right back in your position about a year from now.