Favorite Photo Friday

Kate, June 21, 2009, Atlanta GA

I love this little picture of Kate. I love it in color and bw . . . I can't decide which I like more (see below). These are part of a few that I snapped for Kate's "1 Yr" session. I haven't had time to finish the session . . . but I have a few cute ones so far.

We are taking an impromptu road trip to Chattanooga, TN tomorrow . . Jim, the girls, and I. Going up to see the Children's Museum and the Aquarium, staying overnight just for fun. We need it -- and I can't wait.

Have a great weekend.

More Quips from Meg

"Mommy! Mommy! Kate is goin' up the stairs!" Meg excitedly informs me.

"Well, Meg . . . you know I've asked you not to leave the gate open . . . you know she goes right to the stairs," replies (an annoyed) Mom.

"It's OK. I can watch her," says a doting big sister.

___________________

Grandaddy took Meg to see the new Pixar movie, Up, earlier this summer. The morning of the big event, he informed Meg that he had to call the movie theater and see what time the movie was starting.

"When you call them, can you ask them if they have candy? Don't forget to ask about candy. I'd like some candy at the moo-bies, pweese," was her response.

_________________________

When packing to leave for 4th of July events: "You put the diapers in the diaper bag. And that's why they call it a diaper bag, Mommy."

_______________________

"Mommy, where is the parade today?"

"It's in Woodstock, Meg."

"Oh, Woodstock. Snoopy lives there, you know."

______________________

Good Morning, love," I say to Meg as she enters our room early one morning. As she crawls in our bed, I can smell her pull up . . . indicating she had wet it during the night.

"Oooo Wee! Please go get some panties from your drawer so we can take off that stinky Pull Up," I say.

"Ok, Mommy. I can do that," responds Meg.

As she heads to her room, I ask,"Which panites are you going to pick today?"

"I don't know. I guess you'll see when I come back in here," she smartly replies.

_______________________________________

"Mommy, will you sit criss cross applesauce, pweese? I want to sit in your hole."

_______________________________________

(This one might make your heart break just a little . . .)

At the memorial service for my mother, which was explained to Meg as a time when we would get together to remember and say good bye to her Grandma:

"Mommy? Where is Nana Nancy? When is she gonna come by so we can all say good bye to her?"

I'll Take My Breakfast in Pink, Please

We make pancakes nearly every weekend around our house. Jim is the breakfast chef, and Meg is right beside him to help sir the batter and add the cinnamon. On a very special occasion (or if Meg just happens to catch me in a good mood), I'll even bust out some pancakes mid-week. After all, kids love pancakes. I hope my girls grow up with many memories of pancake breakfasts at their house.



And -- with the way pancakes are being made around here these days -- they are sure to be some serious memory makers.



It all started back about a month ago, when I took my dad for a biopsy and he returned home to my house to recover for the night. He was able to eat, but since his biopsy was in his throat and some cauterization (burning) was required, he was pretty sore. He requested eggs for dinner; something easy to swallow for him. I said I'd make pancakes, too, and we'd all have breakfast for dinner.




That evening, I decided to fancy things up a bit, and I added a little red food coloring to our pancake batter. I knew that would produce some pretty pink pancakes . . . something that Meg was sure to get a kick out of.




BOY -- did she ever.




Since that evening, we've had pink pancakes, purple pancakes, purple french toast (Jim pulled that one off), blue pancakes, red/white/blue pancakes, and green pancakes. During our bright green breakfast on a radom Wednesday morning a week ago, Meg declared: "We almost forgot to make yellow pancakes. And orange!"




I guess we are crossing off the rainbow, one pancake breakfast at a time.



It's the little things like this that make having a house full of kids so much stinkin' fun.

Potty Training -- The Phases

Meg, Marietta GA, July 5, 2008


One year ago this month -- July 5th, to be exact -- we potty trained Meg. It took about 3 days of staying at home, tons of juice, and LOTS of time in the bathroom . . . but we did it. And with relative ease, I might add. The one year anniversary was sweet. She's been such a big girl for so long now, it's hard to even remember a time when I changed her little diapers.



And now I have lots of friends with nearly-two or barely-two year olds that are all talking about potty training. As one of the 'pioneers' to some of those friends, I thought I'd share some of what you might expect during the whole potty training process . . . from the mom's point of view, not the kid's.




Phase I: Let's See if This Works

You decide you are going to potty train. You pick your method -- whatever it may be -- and day that you are going to start the process. Or maybe it's gradual . . . you try it off an on for a while, but eventually you are ready to go full out with a commitment to underwear, not diapers. You think to yourself -- more than once -- "I wonder if this is going to work . . ."



You spend a LOT of time on the potty in this phase. Let's go potty! Want to try the potty again? I'll read you a story if you come sit on the potty! Any time not spent ON the potty is spent thinking about the potty. When is the last time she went potty? What has she had to drink today? Has she gone #2 on the potty today? While your kid continues to go about their normal daily routine of eating, playing, and sleeping, you are consumed with their need and ability to use the potty. It's pretty exhausting . . . and it can be pretty messy, depending on your kid and her readiness to commit to underwear in the same way YOU are committed to underwear.



I do not pretend to be above bribery at this stage in the game. It works, and I have never heard of a 4 year old that needed an M&M to go potty. Clearly, a little sweet treat, sticker, etc., when the pee hits the water is NOT a bad thing. It's not hard to give up, either . . . we treated Meg for a few days, then we just told her that she's so big she didn't need treats any more. For her, the praise and the attention was enough to fill her up. And I think for most kids, weaning off the bribes would come easy enough. Don't underestimate the power or bribery, especially if you are looking for something to give little one that extra kick in the diaper.

As for sleeping . . . I was a big proponent of NO diapers at all once we were ready to commit to potty training. We used Pull Ups for naps and bedtime from Day 1 of potty training. We originally called them 'sleeping panties' . . . but after Meg heard Jim and I say 'Pull Up' so many times, she just started calling them Pull Ups. She knew the difference between a Pull Up and a diaper instantly, so there was no regression or anything. I thought we'd only wear Pull Ups for a little while . . . but little did I know all that goes on in the whole sleep-training phase of potty usage (read on, I'll talk more about it later).

There is a period toward the end of this first phase where you switch from constantly asking if the potty is needed to waiting for a potty request. In other words, letting them TELL you they need to potty instead of constantly suggesting it. This is a slippery slope . . . you want to get away from always prompting potty use to actually letting your little one figure out exactly what it feels like to need to go . . . so inevitably there are accidents in this transition. It's normal. But once you can trust them to let you know that the potty is needed, you find yourself a little less obsessed with their potty usage. Dangerously, you let your little one take the reigns.




Phase 2: Leaving the House

At some point, you feel that you have conquered the commitment to underwear . . . at least when you are home or at someone else's house. You've gone some period of time with no accidents . . . you can somewhat trust that he/she knows when the potty is needed . . . and you feel that you are ready for a public outing in underwear. Some reach this phase quicker than others, and some put off this phase for a long as possible with the use of Pull-Ups. Either way, there will come a time when you are ready to venture out without a safety net, and -- believe me -- it's a scary venture.

At this time, prepare yourself for the extra time outings will take. Before you even leave, you have to go through the potty motions. Need to potty before we go? C'mon, let's try . . . and all that might entail. Once you are out, you feel the sudden need to know where all public bathrooms are at all times . . . and you also find yourself struggling to remember how much your kid has had to drink before you left for your outing. Going out for a morning grocery shopping expedition? Try not to load up on milk or water at breakfast. Entering the mall? Keep an eye out for public restroom signs because you'll probably need that information in the near future. Public outings take on a whole new life with you have a little bladder tagging along.

This phase is also when your little one discovers his/her fascination with public toilets. Oh, yes. From what I hear, this is common and normal in ALL kids . . . girls, boys, early or late trainers. Once you take them to a public potty, they find themselves fascinated with the new toilets, sinks, hand dryers, doors, mirrors . . . it's like a virtual water wonderworld for the under 3 set. Be prepared to visit LOTS of public bathrooms. (I recommend NOT potty training the cold/flu season for obvious reasons.)

And, unfortunately, the lure of the bathroom can also give way to many (many, many) false alarms. This -- and this alone -- was one of THE MOST FRUSTRATING periods in my potty training experience. "Mommy, I have to potty," is declared, and you drop everything you are doing to get JR to the potty. You abandon your shopping cart and head to the total other side of the store. You gather everything from your picnic and drag it to the bathroom. You leave your food unattended in the food court and hope nobody bothers it. (And, if you are like I was, you grab Baby, too . . . a whole other pain-in-the-neck aspect.) You rush to the bathroom, get everyone inside, pants down, on the potty, and . . . "I don't need to go," is what you hear from your darling toddler. Beyond annoyed and frustrated, you straddle a fence of discipline . . . impressing on your kid how important it is to go to the bathroom when it's needed, but also relaying the agony of 'false alarms' in public. It's yet another slippery slope in the potty training process, but it passes in time. (If I had to put a number on that time, I'd say about 6 months or so . . . after about 6 solid months of potty, the false alarms really do tend to die off.)

Another note on leaving the house: I highly recommend a car potty. We got a cheap little plastic potty at Ikea for about $5, and I've said many times that it is the best $5 we could have spent on any piece of baby gear. It stays in the trunk and is only used in emergencies . . . or at parades, on long road trips, or at the park. It really comes in handy. And it's SO much easier to pull over in a parking lot, put your kid in the back of your SUV (okay, so an SUV and a car potty kinda go hand-in-hand), and let her potty. It saves the hassle of getting everyone out of the car and into a gas station or fast food establishment. It allows baby to keep sleeping in her car seat when big sister has an emergency potty stop. It does require mom or dad to get rid of the excrement, but that is really not a big deal. (By the time we are potty training, poop and all other bodily fluids pouring from our kids really don't bug us moms too much, do they?) Get a potty for your car. You will not regret it.

Phase 3: It Worked!

YOU probably feel a much bigger sense of accomplishment that you kid does . . . and that is OK. You have accomplished something BIG -- no more diapers! You have a big kid now! Go celebrate!

Lots of praise continues in this phase as JR becomes more and more accustomed to the new normal in bathroom processes. Please don't kid yourself: the occasional 'accident' will happen, even in this third phase. Six months into your training and at the worst time possible, your smiling kid will come to you and say, "I went stinky in my panties, Mommy." Or you will arrive at a lunch date with your dressed-so-cute kiddo, and as you pull her out of her car seat you realize that she is completely soaked from her knees to mid back . . . and the car seat is soaked, too . . . all due to a car ride potty accident. It happens. And you hate it. A lot of eye rolling and scolding come into play during these accidents because is is now safe to let your toddler know that accidents are NOT OK anymore.

But -- accidents aside -- this is it. It's safe to sat that by this phase, you've made it. The training is done. Now you grow together in your potty bliss.

In this phase, you go from helping your little one on to and off of the potty during each and every potty break to letting her go all by herself. You might start with a little training potty and transition to the full size toilet. You teach your kid all of the proper potty etiquette . . . like washing your hands after potty use and NOT touching everything in a public restroom (especially the toilet!). Your baby will learn quickly how to pull her own clothing up and down to go potty . . . though this is harder during the winter months due to the bulk of winter wardrobes.

And then one magic day, she goes all by herself. Tells you she has to go, goes into the bathroom alone, takes care of her clothing and the logistics of potty usage, goes potty, cleans up, and comes out to declare: "I did it all by myself!" (For us, this was probably 8-ish months after the initial training days.)

On this magic day, you will probably find yourself conflicted in your emotions . . . as we moms so often are. You are so very happy to say GOOD BYE to the diaper stage, so very proud of your little one for the big accomplishment of potty training. But then you look into those sparkling, super proud eyes . . . and you remember the very first diaper you ever changed for her. You might even remember a few funny diaper incidents from her babyhood. And your heart breaks just a little bit, knowing that your kid is that much further from being your baby.

But then you think about how much MONEY you'll save by not buying diapers, and your heart mends itself long enough for you to run out and buy that pair of shoes you've been eyeing for weeks. After all, we don't have to buy diapers any more!

The Final Phase: Night Training

Or really, just sleep training. You have to train them not to pee in their bed, be it at nap time or bed time. We are still working on this one . . . at least at bed time. It's really the true final phase, but it doesn't follow the other phases exactly. For some, it comes quickly. For others, it might not happen for a while after daytime potty is full force.

Nap time was the first sleep period we conquered . . . after about 8/9 months day trained. We didn't push it. Meg had a strict "stay in your bed" rule for a while as we took on the big girl bed, and that rule held throughout the potty training process. (If you know Meg, she is such a stickler for rules . . . it's hard to get her to break one!) She also had a bed rail on her bed and a stool was needed for her to get in and out of bed during the time we were potty training . . . so the act of getting up and down to potty while in bed really wasn't easy.

Once the bed rail and stool were gone AND Meg was waking up dry nearly every nap, we decided to play the "Big girls can SLEEP in panties!" card. It totally worked. She was nap-trained quickly. Then there was a set back about a month after nap training was thought to be complete . . . and by 'set back' I mean about a week or two where there was FAR to many bedsheet changes going on for my taste. But, without too much scolding or worry, we are firmly back on the wagon and wearing panties all day long these days.

Night time . . . that it a different issue. Meg is 3+ now, and she still wakes up SOAKED in the morning. Her Pull Up stinks somethin' fierce many mornings . . . I guess she saves up all that apple juice and gets it out overnight. I don't know. Whatever it is, she is far from being ready to go all night without a potty break. And she doesn't seem to wake up when she is going (we know because there have been a few nights of forgotten Pull Ups) . . . but when she does wake up wet, BOY she does not like it. Instead of torturing her into panties by letting her wet at night, we are just waiting it out. When she wakes up at least once or twice moderately dry, then I'll think more about night training.

I've heard from some moms-of-older-kids that night training can take years . . . that many aren't ready until age 4 or older. Again, I don't know . . . if that's true, it makes me feel better. If not, then oh well. We conquered the day -- I'll keep you updated on the night.

In Conclusion . .

Anyway . . . I hope that helped. Or at least offered some comic relief. Good Luck, my friends. I'll be thinking of you . . . and I'll be right back in your position about a year from now.

What day is it?

Is it Thursday?

After two weeks of back and forth from Newnan to Marietta and all the stuff in between, I've totally lost track of time. I don't even know what the date is today, and that is the 100% truth. Two weeks has flown by, and I really don't know what I've done in the last 14 days.

Well, I went to my mom's funeral. I packed up a lot of garbage at my parent's house. I took a day off and went to the pool with my girls. Jim came home and left again. We've eaten a lot of casseroles (GLADLY -- so many have been SO generous). I spent one evening with old friends in Newnan. Kate starting saying 'ball' and 'ma ma' . . . Meg starting saying, "No!" to simple requests more often than I'd like. Life has just gone on. It has not stopped.

In the midst of all of it . . . of living one day at a time, literally . . . I've lost track of what day it is. But I know today is Thursday. Tomorrow means Friday and back home to Marietta; Sunday will bring us back to Newnan. Then back home Monday. Hopefully, that will be the end of the back-and-forth . . . but the idea of leaving my dad all alone for more than a few nights is still very hard for me.

Okay, so it's Thursday. That means I should do 'Favorite Photo Friday' tomorrow, I suppose . . .

On a Lighter Note

I've realized over the past week or so that my dad is the KING of syndicated television. Seriously, if they crowned someone for watching the most syndicated television in this country, my dad would win, hands down.



My father watches all of the old tv sitcoms that are on TV Land, Nick at Nite, TBS, the CW . . . you know what I'm talking about. They are the reruns that are always on, any time of day. Ever watch WHO really watches those? Um, my dad.

And my dad does not just watch Friends or Seinfeld . . . the most popular ones that you, yourself, probably enjoy on a Sunday afternoon or at 11:30pm on a Wednesday. He watches . . . in no particular order . . .


George Lopez
That 70s Show
Friends
Cheers
Just Shoot Me
Seinfeld
Two and a Half Men
Still Standing
Home Improvement
Yes, Dear
All in the Family
King of Queens
I Love Lucy
Everybody Loves Raymond
Frasier



He tivos them, knows which shows come on when, and he watches them all. Even if he's seen the episode a dozen times already. Lately, he found that there were NO sitcoms on that he'd not seen a million times . . . so the man went searching for some new shows he had not seen during their original broadcast time. That's when George Lopez and That 70s Show came into play . . . he didn't watch those when they were originally on the air, so all of the reruns are like new to him. A syndicated TV guy's dream, I guess.



I guess the man does have some limits. The Nanny and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air are two that he won't tolerate.



You know one of the things that bothered my dad the most when he was in the hospital back in April? The fact that the hospital did not get TBS or Nickelodeon on the in-room TVs . . . so he missed many of his shows, which made he stay seem so much longer.




Yes, my dad has a job. He's an independent sales contractor for an air freight company (aka -- he's in trade show logistics), but he works from home. He makes his own schedule. And, aside from a few sales calls here and there, he's mostly on the phone (sort of) or on the computer. His lifestyle supports his syndicated TV habit, no doubt. He's a guy sitting around, waiting for emails or for the phone to ring . . . what else is there to do but watch old reruns on TV?




I find myself watching them, too, especially after a long stay with my dad. I guess they are a little addicting, in a way.



What's on top of the list right now? That 70s Show, I guess. It's pretty funny . . . and when you get to know the characters, it's even funnier.




Anyway, in the midst of all that is going on at our house, I thought I'd post on a 'light' topic. We are all hanging in there, just taking things one day at a time. I'm still hopping back and forth between my house and my dad's house, but after Monday, I think that will stop. Three weeks of this seems to be my limit, and my girls are really ready to return to some semblance of routine. Anyway, thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. We are working on moving forward.

Homeward Bound

Why is it that when someone dies, you feel the need to clean everything?

Well, that's what I'm about to start doing. Me and the girls, we are headed to Newnan today to help my dad do some major cleaning and reorganizing over the next 5 days. The house -- my parents house -- needs some work, and we might as well get started so that when it's time to sell it, we'll be ready.

Last summer, Jim's grandfather died, and they were out cleaning his 'shop' (where he worked) within just a few days of his funeral. I remember thinking then, "Why are they cleaning that out so fast? What's the rush?"

But now here I am, one year later, doing exactly the same thing. Going home to clean out my parents house. Maybe it's therapeutic? I don't know.

My Mother's Eulogy

None of us thought we would be here today. When death comes in such a sudden and shocking way, people gather like this and think to themselves, “Wow. How did this happen? What are we doing here?” Believe me, as we’ve spent a few days soaking in the events of last week, that thought has troubled us all. Never did we think that my mom’s young life would end so abruptly or so soon.

Now we must gather ourselves and keep moving. We will think of her always, and we will never forget how her life touched each of us. My mom was a loving and caring person, and those of us here can each think of a time that my mom reached out to you, cared for you, or gave you even the slightest reason to smile. That is what we are here to remember today. The wonderful person that my mother was.


As I started to piece together all the things I wanted to say about my mom today, there was one theme – really one word – that kept running through my head: devotion. Above all – more than anything else – my mom was devoted. If you knew her at all, she was very much an ‘all or nothing’ person . . . she had no medium, no half-way, no in between. She was devoted to every single thing she did and to every person she loved,. Devoted in ways that nobody else can even imagine.



When I was a child, she was devoted to me. Starting with how she care for me as a baby – she did things for her baby that maybe all mom’s didn’t do, she didn’t care at all what anyone thought. She was determined to care for me in the way that she thought was the absolute best. She made sure that I learned how to swim shortly after I learned to walk. We moved from coast to coast, and she dedicated herself to the research it took to find the best schools, the best neighborhoods . . . I always came first for her.

I have memories of going to the library with her as she dedicated herself to my own learning. Going to Knotts Berry Farm and riding in a roller coaster with the Snoopy character . . . the park employees told her that wasn’t possible, but she did not stop asking and hounding them until they made it happen. I have memories of going to a local Arby’s restaurant with my mom for ‘kids night’ each and every week until I had collected every character in a set of kids meal toys they were giving away. She’d take me ‘back to school’ shopping and buy me all the ‘trendy’ things she knew that I wanted, and she knew she’d have to deal with explaining it all to my dad when we got home. But she didn’t care . . . she was devoted to making sure that I was happy. A Christmas List to her was like a scavenger hunt. She loved it . . . she’d work the entire month of December to find any particular item that I had requested. She was always devoted to me, her only daughter, who she called ‘Angel Cake’ and ‘Pussy Cat.’

Our family . . . we called ourselves the Three Musketeers. And as I was growing up, we certainly were. And nobody knew what it was like to be us. We went to Las Vegas together, to Key West, to Mammoth Mountain in California, to Atlantic City, New York City, to Lake Tahoe, to Disney World. We drove across country, me, my mom, and my dad, three different times. We did things and went places, the three of us, that my friends never had a chance to do as children. In those times, we were devoted to each other . . . all of us. Our family had a Christmas Eve tradition that included opening just one present before going to bed . . . and over the years, we’d end up opening nearly our whole stash because we were having so much fun together. We enjoyed football games, fireworks, and local craft shows. The three of us were a very tight little family – I can even remember waking up the morning after my first prom and pulling my hairpins out of my hair as I sat at the foot of my parents bed, telling them all about the excitement of the night before. And even as I grew and left to start my own family, I still hold on to those things that were so important to the three of us. We will hold on to them, my dad and I, as we move on without my mom here with us to share in our lives.


As much as she was devoted to me and our family as a whole, my mother was devoted to my dad even more. Her love and devotion to him really cannot be put into words. Through their entire 35 years of marriage, she stood right by him. He had cancer three times, and she was always concerned that he was getting the best medical care possible. He had several jobs throughout the years, and she was always there to support his decisions – even when they meant a move to California, New Hampshire, or Georgia. My mother was devoted to keeping a home for my father – and I think even he took for granted how much homemaking work she did in her devotion to him. And when it came to passions my dad had – mainly football, of course – she was devoted to them, too. Her closet was full of Aqua and Orange though the 70s, 80s, and 90s . . . until I went to Georgia, and the dedication switched to the boys of Red and Black. She really did take pleasure in watching football with my dad because she knew how much it made HIM happy.


My mother loved my father with every ounce of her body. She never wanted to be without him. They met in January of 1974, were married that August, and have hardly been apart since. My mother slept horribly when he was not tucked in beside her. She needed him. I believe heavily in divine intervention, and I’ve come to realize that it is probably a good thing that God took her first . . . I don’t think she could have lived without him.


I think we all know that the love and dedication my mother felt toward my father was reciprocated 100%. My father loved my mother so very much, through all of their highs and their lows. They were rocks for each other. When times were grand, they rode the ride, hand in hand, sharing in each moment of their combined happiness. When the world might have felt like it was crumbling around them, there they stood – ready to face it with one another, side by side.


Thirty five years is an eternity for a marriage . . . it goes without saying that their marriage stood the test of time. And now that God has taken my mother first, I pray for my dad to have peace and happiness for himself as his life here continues. They will be together again some day, in a place where they will experience more joy together than they ever could have on this earth.


She was devoted to our family, without question . . . but my mother’s undeniable devotion to things in her life must have started in her school years because my mom was nothing short of brilliant. She was so, so smart. She taught herself to use the computer, to sew, to knit the beautiful items you’ve seen, organized large scale events for us all to enjoy. She was devoted to figuring anything out . . . any task or obstacle you gave her became like a game to her. And just when you might have given up on her and thought, “Well, maybe this is something Nancy can’t figure out or can’t pull off . . .” she’d amaze you. Just last week, she was so unbelievably proud of herself for repairing my dad’s computer . . . something she worked on for days and days to accomplish. I thought the poor outdated thing was simply dead . . . until I got an email from her, indicating that she had found new life in that old thing.


I’m sure you’ve all gotten a phone call or two from my mom when she was all happy and giddy about something like that – you can remember exactly how she sounded. She would crack you up with her own excitement. My aunts tell that, as a kid, me she was just like that all the time -- always the life of the party. She was so bubbly and happy – so full of personality and passion. They called her Cookie growing up because she was just so cute and sweet.

My mother was passionate about so many things over the years. She loved to listen to talk radio and argue with my dad about the liberal vs. conservative views. She loved cheese, shrimp, pepsi, coffee . . . her favorite foods were simple, but her love of them was great. A lot of the things she loved were simple – a few particular TV shows or even just going to the dog races – but she loved them just the same. She always asked for Chanel #5 for any holiday occasion – or Bath and Body Works lotions and sprays. She took great pleasure in long baths with sweet smelling products.

Thanksgiving brought out the very best in her . . . she was always dedicated to making a meal to top the one she’d made the year before. She would plan and plan those November meals for days – weeks even – then eat and retire to bed, happy about what she had done for everyone that day. Halloween ran a close second to her love for Thanksgiving because she so enjoyed decorating the house, getting just the right candy for the neighborhood. and seeing all the adorable Trick-or-Treaters. On both occasions, she devoted herself to other people’s happiness.

Lately, she really had found a true love for knitting and crocheting. Making blankets and simple outfits for my girls was something that took many, many hours but brought her much joy in the process. As a matter of fact, I know she’s disappointed that she won’t be here to make more for my kids as they grow. But we’ll hold tight to the beautiful things she’s made. My girls will know that Nana Nancy (as Meg called her) made those items just for them.


My mother – devoted not only to me and my dad, but to many of you here this evening – will be missed. You’ll miss her dedicated friendship to you, I know you will. I miss her as my caring mother, my girls will miss their Nana, and my father misses his dear wife.

Her death is shock to us all. It does not seem fair that at only 56 years old, her time is up. But my dad and I know she is happy now. Not happy like she was here – but truly, undeniably happy. She is in God’s loving embrace, surrounded by her mother and father, in a place where she can be herself without a care or a worry. And now she can devote her time to herself, enjoying the place where she is finally at peace.

Questions

What happened?
How did this happen?
Where would you like her body to go?
Would you like her cremated or buried?
When would you like the service?
Would you like any scripture?
What songs would you like?
Flowers?
Something to put her remains in?
What time of day should we have the service? How many people do you think will come?
What picture would you like on the memorial brochure?
Where is Mom's Will?
When do we get the Death Certificate?
What is Probate Court, exactly?
Where should we go after the memorial service?
Who will provide food for the after-service gathering?
Can I help you with that? Can I do anything?
Can I bring you dinner? At what time? What do you like to eat?
Should the girls come to the service?
Do you want the girls at the service?
Who will bring them? Where will they sit?
Where will we stay the night of the service?
What do I need to pack?
What time to we leave?
When will we be coming back to Marietta?
When should Jim leave to go back to work?
What is for dinner?
What is for lunch?
Did the laundry get done?
What will everyone wear to the service?
Does my dad have the appropriate belt? Where are his socks?
Did someone clean up my dad's shoes?
Does Jim have a jacket that's dry cleaned and ready to go?
What time should the girls nap on the day of the service?
What should they wear?
What should I bring along to keep the girls entertained?
Did you find that picture for the Memorial brochure?
I'll take Meg to dance class -- where is it? What time? What does she need?
Heather -- where are you? The phone is for you.
Can you call me back?
Mommy! Mommy! Where is my Lovee?
Can I watch a movie?
Can you call Allstate about her car insurance?
How are we ever going to start the cleaning out process?
What is the plan for today?
What is the plan for tomorrow?


And where do we go from here?

How Are You Doing?

I keep seeing people going on with normal life, and it feels strange to me.



The cashier at Walgreens last night said, "Have a good evening," and I wanted to respond with, "My dad found my mom dead in their bed on Thursday, but I'll try." People passing me in the store have no idea what is going on at my house. In my mind.



Friends of mine have all these happy 'status updates' on Facebook, and I just keep thinking about how they are all living their happy lives today, no idea what can happen in an instant. "Going on Vacation!" or "Taking the kids to the movies!" are the updates I'm reading. Can I write, "Knee deep in funeral preparation!" ??



I keep looking at Meg and Kate and thinking about how my mom once loved me with the fierce and intense love that I feel for these girls of mine. There was a time in her life when she hugged my tiny body close to hers, and she couldn't stand how much she loved me. I know there was a time she felt that.



Everyone keeps telling me I'm being so strong; they are so proud of me. But what else would I do? Someone has to take care of all of this, and that is my role. Do I have a choice? Can I stop now? I wouldn't mind disappointing people, if that's what would happen if I stopped.



I'm not that sad.

I wrote my mom's Eulogy yesterday. Never really thought about how I'd write that or what I'd say, but it came together fairly easily. We had to pick music, which was WAY more intense for me. Words are words, but music is something that is very powerful for me. That was a really hard item to check off our list.

Is she really not going to be around anymore? With my dad here at our house, I keep thinking that when the phone rings, it's her calling. She always called to check on him when he was here. "Are you coming home tonight?" was her mantra during most of my dad's visits with us. She hated it when he stayed the night with us . . . she hated to be alone. I keep thinking that the ringing phone is her, checking to make sure that she wouldn't be alone tonight.



I keep thinking about how she's with her parents now. How she can be truly happy now. I hope she is, I do. She really was not very happy in her life, but I hope that in death she has found peace, love, and true, genuine happiness.

I look at all these old pictures of her, and I really do think she was beautiful when she was young. It's easy to see how my dad fell in love with her.

Jim has been fantastic. He's done any and everything we've needed him to do. Where would I be with out him? My friends are amazing. We haven't cooked a thing since Thursday, and our fridge is full . . . and promises of more food to come. That has been a true blessing in all of this. Our friends and my Jim.

I'm doing OK. Hanging in there.

Sunday

If you had not have fallen
Then I would not have found you
Angel flying too close to the ground
And I patched up your broken wing
And hung around a while
Tried to keep your spirits up
And your fever down
I knew someday that you would fly away
For love's the greatest healer to be found
So leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Fly on, fly on past the speed of sound
I'd rather see you up
Than see you down
Leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
-- Willie Nelson

http://www.times-herald.com/obits/Obit-Abernathy-801607

Saturday

Yesterday we made the arrangements. Wednesday at 5:30 pm at McKoons Funeral Home in Newnan. A simple service, no viewing. She would have wanted it just that way. Actually, she might have even preferred no service at all, but I convinced my dad we need to because family needs that closure. I need that closure.

We had to sit down and talk about all of the things we want to say in her eulogy last night. I will speak for my dad and I . . . for obvious reasons. He hates so much that he can't speak at her funeral. We've talked a lot about what the next few weeks hold. Affairs that need tidying, what needs to be done with my parents house so that my dad can come live with us for a while.

I took too many Xanax yesterday. 1/2 a pill in the morning and again mid day, then I took a whole (1mg) in the late afternoon. I slept through most of the evening . . . so if I called you or anything, I probably don't even remember doing it.

And that was my Saturday.

Favorite Photo Friday

My mom with my girls at their births . . .

Meg and my parents, June 21, 2006

Kate and my parents, June 18, 2008

Family Emergency

I don't even know how to say this, so I'll just say it.

My mother is dead. She passed away last night sometime. My father found her this morning. He had gotten up early, but she was still asleep . . . which is not unusual. She's a late sleeper. But when she had not gotten out of bed by 11am, my dad went to check on her. He found her body.

We don't know a lot right now. The coroner thinks it may have been some kind of intestinal rupture that caused her to vomit and aspirate. But she died in the night, and they concluded it had been several hours by the time it was discovered.

No, I'm not kidding.

I don't know what else to say, other than we have a lot of phone calls to make and arrangements to make. Divine Intervention is a powerful thing: Jim happened to be in town this week and just happened to be working from home today, so I was able to drop everything and speed home to be there for my dad. He's at my house now, and he will be for a while. Once the funeral arrangements are made, we'll have to return to Newnan.

Right now, we are just sitting here looking at each other and saying, "What now?"

Summer Adventures, Part 2

Today's destination: White Water, a water theme park for kids of all ages. I say that because I -- all 31 years of me -- had a great time today, splashing and sliding with the girls.

This was another on my list of 'to dos' with Meg (and Kate) this summer. Meg is 38 inches tall, which makes her tall enough for nearly every ride, and she's certainly brave enough for much of what White Water has to offer young kids. I knew she would love it. The original plan was for today's adventure to take place back on Monday . . . I had my dad here at my house to keep Kate and everything . . . but the weather did not cooperate. The rescheduling required me to bring Kate along on our big kid adventure. Everything happens for a reason . . . Kate loved it and was really not much trouble to take along at all. So it was two mommies, four kids, and a great day for everyone.

For this Summer Adventure, we joined the Alford boys, Ryan (6 yrs) and Daniel (2.75 yrs). And their mom, of course, who is a dear old friend of mine from my days back in the Redcoat Band at UGA (what?! you were in the band?! yes, friends, I am proud to say that I was!). Tricia and I were a little worried about how the day would go. Who will ride what? Who will watch the kids? What to eat for lunch? What time will the kids totally melt down and force us to retreat to our homes? We agonized over bringing Kate along, and we talked at least 2 different times yesterday trying to line up all of our plans. My buddy and I worried ourselves for nothing . . . all four kids did great. They had a total BLAST and lasted until a shocking 4:00pm before we decided to leave . . . and I think the moms were really a little more ready to head out than the kids were. No meltdowns by anyone. Not even Kate.

White Water has way more to offer young kids than I ever realized. They have 3 fairly large kids areas with play equipment, sprinklers, slides of all kinds and sizes . . . and they even have a more intermediate kid area with a large 3 foot pool to wade around in. All of that plus the 'curvy lake', as Meg called it . . . which was actually the Lazy River that floated around the park . . . was more than enough to keep the kids entertained and happy. Kate loved walking around through the sprinklers, and she very happily floated around in some of the wading pools. Meg and I rode one 'big' ride together in a 6 person raft, enjoyed the lazy river a few times, and she had a great time on all of the play structures.

Well -- scratch that -- there was one play structured she hated. She actually said that: "I hated that Tree House, Mommy." Tree House Island is probably for the 5 and up crowd, but we took the little ones over anyway to check it out. The large playground structure has water squirting everywhere and several slides that I know Meg would have enjoyed . . . if it weren't for the LARGE bucket above the tree house that fills with water and dumps massive amounts of water everywhere intermittently and without warning. One sighting of the water dumpage, and Meg was freaked. I tried to take her on the Tree House anyway, but she was a no-go. Luckily Ryan was not quite that fond of the water bucket either, and he was happy to take a lazy river ride back to the other play areas (where Tricia, Kate, and Daniel were waiting for us).

The $30 price tag for admission and the additional $10 for parking was a little hard to swallow . . . but I did manage to get Meg in free (though she should have bought a ticket since she's 3), and of course Kate was no charge. So, it's a little more expensive of a day -- including a $9 chicken finger basket -- but I felt it was money well spent. I had so much fun with the girls and with the Alford boys, and you can't put a price tag on that.

Another successful Summer Adventure. I'm not sure exactly what our next adventure will be, but I have a few ideas. If you know of any super fun kids things that you'd like to share -- fire away! I'm always looking for something fun to do with these kids.

Welcome Home, Daddy

Jim is home this week. ALL week. It's a rare treat around the Dahlby house to have Daddy around each and every night. 13 consecutive days of Jim and all his fantasticness. I'm getting spoiled.

Tonight, the girls and I were playing in the basement when we heard the garage door open, indicating Daddy's return home from work (he does have an office to go to when he's home, no working from home for this guy). Meg knew instantly that Daddy was home, and Kate beelined it for the staircase in order to catch Dad on his way down. It was so fun to see them flock to their father. He picked up Kate and gave her a big smile (which she eagerly returned). Meg hugged his leg and started in with some information about what we'd been doing all day. It was a classic, happy family scene.

I thought to myself, "Is this what it would be like if Jim came home to us EVERY night?"

Sadly, that is not the case. He travels, and -- as I say often -- it is what it is. I'll just lather up in the few weeks he is home each year, and I'll take advantage of having a 'normal' family lifestyle for as long as it lasts.

Which, incidentally, isn't going to be that long. When Jim leaves again next Wednesday, the 15th, we are most likely not going to lay eyes on him again until the 28th or 29th. *Sigh* Gotta love 'go live'.

A Housewife's Thoughts on Jon & Kate

Yes, you can add me to the list of millions of bloggers who feel that they need to comment on the state of Jon & Kate Gosselin's (now dissolved) marriage. I can't resist. I have to address this at some point . . . because if you know me outside of blog-ville, you know I'm a big fan of the show. Was a fan. Am a fan? I guess don't know where I stand right now as far as the TLC series goes, but I certainly have some opinions about it's main stars.

And by the main stars, I mean the kids. Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Leah, Colin, and Joel (listed in birth order, without having to look it up). I miss seeing them on the show, for pete's sake. THEY were why I watched it so faithfully. I loved to hear Alexis say, "Al-der-gator" and to laugh at Aaden's goofy little animal antics. I thought Cara was such a doll, Leah was certainly the cutest, and I always had a choice word about what I would do with a daughter like Mady. And now -- with all that Jon and Kate have going on between them -- we don't get to see the kids any more. I miss them! I'm tired of watching about 10 minutes of what the kiddos are up to and then the remainder of the episode being the dialogue between two very estranged and unhappy people that are not even sitting next to each other on the couch. Now that the divorce is official, maybe the kids will reclaim the spotlight of their TLC series.

I say I watched for the kids -- and I did -- but I also watched to see what Kate was up to. Didn't we all? I felt that Kate and I had a LOT in common, almost from the first time I watched the show. And when I read her book, it only solidified my feelings. (Yes, I read Multiple Blessin8s over the Christmas holidays.) She always knew she wanted to have a big family. She loved being a mom more than any other job she could imagine, and she couldn't see herself doing anything else. Kate's very opinionated and can be seriously strong-willed. She just has a way about her that was always reminding me of . . .well, me. And yes, I found her saying things to Jon that I had, myself, said to my own husband. Not the worst of the worst things, of course . . . but there were plenty of times she spout off to Jon, and I would watch knowing that poor Jim had heard the same thing come out of my mouth. Like I said, she and I had/have a lot in common . . . good AND bad.

Throughout the past few seasons of the show, I really thought Kate was a totally devoted mom. She had a genuine love for her kids; she seemed to always have them in the forefront of her mind, no matter what. I thought she was creative when it came to entertaining her kids. I took advice from her, tried her recipes, even bought a Little Tykes picnic table because I saw how practically she put one (well, she has two) to use.

And they were a team, Jon and Kate -- it wasn't always Kate doing the work. Her husband was right there beside her, and I loved seeing that in a big family with so much to handle. They seemed like a well oiled machine. They seemed to love each other and their kids so very much . . . and I envied that. I hoped that Jim and I could be so lucky as to find our groove they way they had in the first season or two of the series. I watched the way Jon and Kate planned things (outings, dinners, holidays, etc.) and found myself trying to do the same in my own household. And, often, it worked. I got a lot of good ideas from Jon and Kate because I felt -- on a smaller scale, of course -- I could relate to them.

But now -- oh, now -- I don't feel like Kate and I are at all alike. I can't relate to "Jon & Kate" anymore. And it's not because of the bad things Kate's done or said to/about Jon . . . or the things that Jon has supposedly done to Kate. It's because they've both changed so dramatically. Kate's gone from a regular housewife and mom to this . . . other thing entirely. She's absorbed in her money-making and her fame. It's very sad, really. And Jon seems to care more about the fact that he's "only 32" than the fact that 9 years ago he had twin daughters and started a family. He's fed up with the life he created, and now he wants out.

Their entire lifestyle has also changed, which makes them seem less 'normal' and more 'showbiz' to me. They were once this regular old couple in a regular old Pennsylvania house. They shopped with coupons. They made meals ahead of time and froze them in their garage freezer. They folded laundry and packed lunches and hung their kids art all over the kitchen. They were regular people, just like Jim and me. Now they are just two rich people with a lot of kids. They live in a big ole house and get ridiculous perks that show up as advertising bits during their show.

None of the original "Jon & Kate" seems to remain, now that their show is a big hit and they've hit the big time. It's absolutely not the same show it once was. I miss the 'A Day in the Life' episodes or the shows where we watched Kate grocery shop for her large clan. I couldn't care LESS about watching them cook with Emeril or get free motorcycles from American Chopper. Who wants to watch a bunch of rich people raise a whole bunch of kids doing ridiculous things that are way outside the realm of REAL life? I especially don't find it interesting to watch a bunch of rich people who appear to be now sacrificing everything their family had for the money they get from TV.

That is the thing that gets me the hottest . . . the way Kate and Jon both continue to say, "It's for our kids. Everything is about our kids." NO, clearly, it is NOT. If it were, you would have abandoned the show when your marriage got rocky in an effort to focus on your family. There is no way that she can say, "It's for the kids," when IT seems to be exactly what is destroying their family. I think that her kids would grow up happily in a house with two parents that love them and are there for them every day . . . without gobs of money that they could be making from reality TV. No amount of money can buy the kind of stability that a two (happy) parent home can bring, in my opinion.

I just wish they had not given up on their marriage. I wish they could go back to the old Jon & Kate. I wish Jon would give Kate a second chance -- but he's so checked out of that house, there seems to be no way it's remotely possible. I don't really fault Kate that much in the dissoluation of the marriage . . . she changed into a famous lady, yes, but she's ALWAYS been bossy. She's always been strong willed. Jon knew that when it married her, and he just got fed up with her bossiness PLUS 8 kids. Poor Kate; she's going to be a single mother of 8. That is so scary to me . . . but not as scary as being ALONE. She's going to be all alone. I do feel bad for her, despite the fact that I also feel she should have put a stop to all of this to save her marriage -- regardless of the money they would walk away from.

Easy for me to say, right? I sit her in my modest home with my two cute kids and totally judge some people on a heavily edited television show while reading the gossip magazines and catching up on papparazzi TV all about their private lives. I shouldn't have so many opinions about Jon & Kate . . . but I do. Maybe it's because I felt like I was like them, once . . . I even wanted to BE them a few times. Or at least meet them. Now those feelings are gone. I'm sad about that. Nobody likes to see their idols go down in flames.

But go down they did . . . RIP Jon & Kate. I'll keep watching to see your cute kids grow up, but I'll miss you guys a lot.

Words of Wisdom

This morning my dad said:

"Raising kids can't be all that bad. Or that impossible, really. If it were, there wouldn't be, like, 6 billion people in the world."

He's right. And when I am up to my knees in toddler and baby -- like today, when Meg acted out so badly at Chickfila that we had to leave -- I'll try to keep that in mind.

Happy 4th of July

In the same spirit of nostalgia from my previous post . . . I remember this day last year very well. It was our first holiday as a family of four, and it felt great. We went to the pool, we saw fireworks on the Square. I remember it being a really great day and feeling really good about our little family. I remember thinking, "We can do this. THIS is what it's all about." In light of the trouble I was having adjusting to life with 2 kids, the 4th came at a great time for me to realize that life was so good . . . that our family was perfect.

And now, one year later, I feel even better. We are one year older, one year smarter, one year MORE in love with our family. I can look back on the last year and what we've accomplished, and I'm so proud of us. Of all of us . . . for surviving a year that had many, many ups and downs for each one of us.

Our July 4th holiday was simple: we went to the Woodstock parade this morning with family friends, the Bartholomews and the Cofields, and then we hit the Square again for fireworks. The girls had a spectacular time at both activities, and Jim and I had such fun watching them enjoy each minute. Another great 4th at home with each other.

I hope everyone had a great holiday with their family. Now that I have a wonderful family of my own, that's what holidays like this have become . . . great time spent with the ones I love more than I ever dreamed possible.

Oh, yeah, and Happy Birthday to America, too. We sure do live in an awesome country. (I'm totally guilty of enjoying the fun and festivities and sometimes forgetting about the true meaning of the celebration . . . but trust me, I'm a BIG fan of our country!)

Funny Comment of the Day: when playing on the kids' train at the Square, some lady pointed to Kate and commented to me . . . "Look, this little girl has a dress on just like your little girl's!"

Um, they are both my little girls, lady.

It's not that weird for sisters to dress alike, is it?

4th of July 2009

And Then They Were One

In the wake of editing some one year portraits of Baby Kate, I thought I'd take a break and show how the girls looked at similar ages. I guess the birthday of my baby has made me ever so nostalgic. And, shoot, everyone loves a good comparison photo, don't they?

At about 2 weeks . . .

At Three Months . . .

Six Months . . .

At One Year . . .

Say what you will . . . but they do not look that much alike to me. Sure, they look like they are related, like sisters . . . but they have so many different features. And -- again, say what you will -- but I think Meg looks like Jim and Kate looks (at least somewhat) like me.

And Good God . . . look how much I'VE changed in the past 2 years . . .

(Sniff, sniff . . . sometimes, I miss my hair a lot.)

By the Book

Meg was not a textbook teether. To be perfectly honest, aside from a little fever and very mild crankies, I barely even knew she was getting teeth.





Kate, on the other hand, is by the book. Totally. We are on our third round of poppin' the pearlies around here . . . and this time I knew it was coming from the first day it began. About a week ago: raunchy poops. About 3-4 days ago: fingers in the mouth, extra drool noticed. Beginning yesterday: crying, whining, interrupted sleep, refusal to eat, fever, crying, whining. We are on day number 2 of the every-4-hour-alternates between tylenol and motrin. Anything to help poor Kate because the child is miserable.

It's been a long couple of days. I try to console her when she's having a fit, but she wrenches her back and just cries more. So I put her down . . . and off she goes, happy as a lark. For about 5 minutes. Then she's back at my feet, crying and whining and not letting up. I don't know what she wants. SHE doesn't know what she wants. We just both want those teeth to hurry up and get through so we can all go back to normal around here.

Meg wasn't a textbook teether . . . but she is a textbook three-yr-old. Maybe I'll get a break on the other end . . . rough times when the teeth come in for Katy-did, but easier as a toddler. I can only hope.

Summer Adventures, Part I

I've had in my head a few things I'd really like to do with Meg this summer, now that she's old enough to really enjoy them. American Adventures, White Water, Six Flags, maybe even Chattanooga . . . just fun stuff for us to enjoy together. As I'm realizing every single day, it is a lot of fun to have a 'kid' around the house -- I want to take advantage and live it up while she is still plenty old enough to WANT me along. Today was Summer Adventure #1: a trip to American Adventures.

For those of you partial to activities for the younger crowd, I do recommend AA. The place is totally made for kids that are about 3 to 6 yrs old. The rides are all made to accommodate little ones, and so are the staffers . . . they'll buckle your kid in and out of each ride, no problem. Most rides require about a 32-36" height requirement, and most of them are meant to be ridden without mom or dad. Like I said, it's a place for the little kids.

I must thank my friend, Kellly, for the suggestion. We went with her and her daughter, and our girls really had a great time. We got them each a 3 hour pass -- $16.99 -- which allowed them to ride any ride they were big enough for as many times as they'd like, plus it got us into their giant, indoor (aka: air conditioned) foam factory. It also included mini-golf, but we decided that the girls wouldn't be up for that. All in all, a decent value for the price. Meg and Claudia rode each ride together, then happily jumped off and told us what they'd like to ride next. Meanwhile, Kelly and I just sat back and chatted . . . mostly about what a fun time the girls were having and how amazed we were that they didn't seem to need much help from us at all.

Today was my first visit to American Adventures, so (of course) some learning was done. When we go again, I'll take my own lunch. There are plenty of places to eat a sack lunch, and the cafeteria at the place was a little less than satisfying. I also would not even bother with the 'adult rider' pass you can purchase for $4.99. Though inexpensive, I seriously didn't use it. I could have just wadded up a five and flushed it . . . the girls really didn't need us on any of the rides. Save the roller coaster -- which they are too little to ride solo -- but really you could just hop on with the kids and nobody would notice. If you are considering AA, bring a lunch and skip the grown-up pass. (I also realized that Meg really is too small for Six Flags yet -- even just the kiddie stuff they have. The cost and the 40 minute trip out there just aren't worth what she'd get out of it at this age. AA is much more her style for now.)

Summer Adventure, Part 2, in on tap for next week . . . a trip to White Water!