I have a very, very hard time saying NO.
Lots of people can relate . . . I know there are many of us that share in this challenge. We can’t say ‘no’ to friends of family when they ask for something, even if the request is difficult or inconvenient for us to endure. We want to help. We can’t say ‘no’ to coworkers or peers for fear that they will think of us as lazy or inept – even when we don’t want to help. We can’t say ‘no’ to a request from our children because – well, a lot of times I just don’t want to say ‘no’ to Meg because I would give her the world if I could.
The issue that brings this topic to my mind has to do with HD Portraits and my upcoming ‘maternity leave’ . . . I’m having trouble saying ‘no’ to clients who are hoping to work with me as my due date approaches. Families that I work with will have milestones during the time I’d like to be off, home, taking care of my new family. Birthdays will come, 6 month milestones, etc. . . . and I hate missing those events. I’m having trouble saying NO, I can’t work with you.
Earlier this week, I decided that I would set a date – June 1 – and that would be my last session. I am filling up May dates, but when they are full, that’s going to have to be IT.
NO, I’m sorry, I can’t. No, I’m on maternity leave. No, my sessions are closed until September. (Sorry, just practicing.)
Why is it so HARD to say no?
It’s not that I am worried that they’ll find another photographer they like better. If they do, that is OK . . . I truly want people to work with the person that best fits their family, even if it’s not me. And I don’t think it’s the money that I’m worried about, either.
More than anything, I hate letting people down. I don’t like saying, “I can’t . . .” I want to be there and work with these families because they seem to genuinely care about me and love the work I do. It’s flattering. It’s heartwarming. And I guess that I fear my saying ‘no’ might turn them off in some way . . . make them feel like I’m not willing to work with them.
That’s probably the case in other areas of my life where I find myself saying the opposite of ‘no’ – when I really want to say NO. I don’t like letting people down. I don't want to appear lazy. I don’t want people to get mad or dislike me. I want to do it all.
Like I said, it’s not just the photo business to which I have trouble saying no. A girlfriend is getting married in late May, and she has gone out of her way to include me in her bachelorette party plans for earlier that month. But, I think I’m going to have to find a way to say ‘no’ to that trip . . . . the beach, bachelorettes, and my big old 34 week pregnant belly just don’t mix.
I’m also going to have to learn to say ‘no’ more often to my parents, who want me to come down with Meg more and more frequently these days. As I get bigger, I’m just not going to want to sit in the car for the hour long drive . . . I remember dreading it when I was pregnant before, and I didn’t have to load and unload a toddler at that time. I’m pretty sure they are going to stay on my case to come to see them all the time after Kate arrives . . . to which I’m going to have to say, “No – I have TWO kids – but why don’t you come up here for a visit?”
Saying ‘no’ is hard – for a lot of people. Including me.
I just have to find a way to get better at it.
(BTW – this ‘no’ business is also part of my only-child birth order personality traits . . . I really do need to write a blog about The Birth Order Book . . . it’s fascinating!)
Lots of people can relate . . . I know there are many of us that share in this challenge. We can’t say ‘no’ to friends of family when they ask for something, even if the request is difficult or inconvenient for us to endure. We want to help. We can’t say ‘no’ to coworkers or peers for fear that they will think of us as lazy or inept – even when we don’t want to help. We can’t say ‘no’ to a request from our children because – well, a lot of times I just don’t want to say ‘no’ to Meg because I would give her the world if I could.
The issue that brings this topic to my mind has to do with HD Portraits and my upcoming ‘maternity leave’ . . . I’m having trouble saying ‘no’ to clients who are hoping to work with me as my due date approaches. Families that I work with will have milestones during the time I’d like to be off, home, taking care of my new family. Birthdays will come, 6 month milestones, etc. . . . and I hate missing those events. I’m having trouble saying NO, I can’t work with you.
Earlier this week, I decided that I would set a date – June 1 – and that would be my last session. I am filling up May dates, but when they are full, that’s going to have to be IT.
NO, I’m sorry, I can’t. No, I’m on maternity leave. No, my sessions are closed until September. (Sorry, just practicing.)
Why is it so HARD to say no?
It’s not that I am worried that they’ll find another photographer they like better. If they do, that is OK . . . I truly want people to work with the person that best fits their family, even if it’s not me. And I don’t think it’s the money that I’m worried about, either.
More than anything, I hate letting people down. I don’t like saying, “I can’t . . .” I want to be there and work with these families because they seem to genuinely care about me and love the work I do. It’s flattering. It’s heartwarming. And I guess that I fear my saying ‘no’ might turn them off in some way . . . make them feel like I’m not willing to work with them.
That’s probably the case in other areas of my life where I find myself saying the opposite of ‘no’ – when I really want to say NO. I don’t like letting people down. I don't want to appear lazy. I don’t want people to get mad or dislike me. I want to do it all.
Like I said, it’s not just the photo business to which I have trouble saying no. A girlfriend is getting married in late May, and she has gone out of her way to include me in her bachelorette party plans for earlier that month. But, I think I’m going to have to find a way to say ‘no’ to that trip . . . . the beach, bachelorettes, and my big old 34 week pregnant belly just don’t mix.
I’m also going to have to learn to say ‘no’ more often to my parents, who want me to come down with Meg more and more frequently these days. As I get bigger, I’m just not going to want to sit in the car for the hour long drive . . . I remember dreading it when I was pregnant before, and I didn’t have to load and unload a toddler at that time. I’m pretty sure they are going to stay on my case to come to see them all the time after Kate arrives . . . to which I’m going to have to say, “No – I have TWO kids – but why don’t you come up here for a visit?”
Saying ‘no’ is hard – for a lot of people. Including me.
I just have to find a way to get better at it.
(BTW – this ‘no’ business is also part of my only-child birth order personality traits . . . I really do need to write a blog about The Birth Order Book . . . it’s fascinating!)
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