How To Help

How do you help a friend that is hurting? How can you help, when the very thing that is hurting your friend is the very thing that you are experiencing at the present time?

And it’s not like I wanted this to happen – and it’s not like she’s upset with me for it happening. It’s just an unfortunate combination of circumstances that have brought us to this point.

A dear friend I love so much wants to have a baby, and it’s not coming easily for her and her husband. I’ve been down that road . . . we all know the story . . . but her story is different. It’s harder. I can relate to her on some levels, but in many ways she is suffering in a way that I can only imagine.

I feel as if I can’t help. That nothing I can say or do makes her feel any better. That by trying to help, I am only making it worse. She doesn’t need her totally pregnant friend giving her advice or consoling her. But – I don’t want to NOT help or NOT try to help – I can’t stand that idea, either.

I don’t know what to do. I know that doing nothing – that leaving her alone – is most likely my best bet. At least, that is how I would have liked the situation handled if I were on her end. That’s how I DID want it handled when I was going through some of the same emotions that she is going through right now. That's what I've been trying to do with her up to this point.

I love her so much --- I want all the good things in life that she deserves to happen for her. All the things in life that come so easy to everyone else should come as easily to her. It’s not fair. I hate it. I hate it for her with the same hate that I had for my own situation in its day.

I can look back and think that everything happens for a reason – that it all works out in the end. But I could NEVER have imagined that when I was living through it, and I know she can’t right now, either. It’s not even fair for me to suggest that she try – she is entitled to feel any way she likes right now.

I wish I knew what to do.
I wish I could make it better.
I hate to have a friend suffer, especially one as truly fantastic and dear to me as she is.

So, I cry for her. I ache for her. And when her day comes – when she is a parent – I will be happier for her than any other friend she has.

‘Fair’ does not mean that everyone gets the same thing. True fairness means that everyone gets what he or she needs. Well, this situation is NOT fair. It’s just not fair. And I wish I could help.