Today was the due date for Baby 2, the baby we lost back in August.
I knew I’d think about it when this date arrived . . . I knew today would come, and I would not let it go by without remembering what happened last summer.
I really don’t know how to describe how I feel about it. I’m sad, of course. Remembering the loss of anything is always sad. But part of me is not as sad as I thought I’d be . . . because I really don’t want to think about it, maybe. I hated that experience . . . hated every minute of it. I hated how I felt, how I acted, how I couldn’t really get past it, no matter how hard I tried. I hope that I never, ever have to deal with that again.
I feel so lucky to be where I am on this date. I told myself that as long as I was pregnant again by the time March 7th came around, I’d be OK. I’d be able to move past the miscarraige. And that’s true . . . true for me and my experience, anyway. I’m 24 weeks along in a new pregnancy, and I feel good about that.
I can’t ever say that Kate ‘replaces’ the lost baby. That’s not the case. That’s not what I mean. Kate has helped me get over that loss, helped me look forward to the exciting things we have coming up in June. Knowing that we were able to conceive again and carry this baby has helped me heal.
But it hasn’t helped me forget. I’ll never forget. My close, close friend that also lost her 2nd baby told me that, as time goes on, you do think about it less and less . . . but you never really forget about it. You just move on.
There are other monumental dates in my past that I’ve moved past and don’t remember as vividly as I once did . . . the date my grandmother passed away, the date I graduated from high school, the date that Jim and I said ‘I love you’ for the first time. All big occasions in their day, and memories I’ll keep . . . just not as forefront in my mind as they were at the time. I haven’t forgotten. I’m just going on.
Kate is due on June 25th, 2008. I found out I was pregnant with Baby 2 on July 6th, 2007. So, but the time Kate arrives, I will pretty much feel like I’ve been pregnant for an entire year. It really and truly does feel that way . . . I feel like I’m finally showing, finally feeling pregnant, like it took us soooo long to get to this point. But, it’s worth waiting for.
Today, I remember Baby 2. Today, I hug my belly and look forward to Kate, Baby 3. And I got up this morning to a smiley Baby 1 – who spent her first full night in her ‘big girl bed’ last night – so all is right in the world.
I knew I’d think about it when this date arrived . . . I knew today would come, and I would not let it go by without remembering what happened last summer.
I really don’t know how to describe how I feel about it. I’m sad, of course. Remembering the loss of anything is always sad. But part of me is not as sad as I thought I’d be . . . because I really don’t want to think about it, maybe. I hated that experience . . . hated every minute of it. I hated how I felt, how I acted, how I couldn’t really get past it, no matter how hard I tried. I hope that I never, ever have to deal with that again.
I feel so lucky to be where I am on this date. I told myself that as long as I was pregnant again by the time March 7th came around, I’d be OK. I’d be able to move past the miscarraige. And that’s true . . . true for me and my experience, anyway. I’m 24 weeks along in a new pregnancy, and I feel good about that.
I can’t ever say that Kate ‘replaces’ the lost baby. That’s not the case. That’s not what I mean. Kate has helped me get over that loss, helped me look forward to the exciting things we have coming up in June. Knowing that we were able to conceive again and carry this baby has helped me heal.
But it hasn’t helped me forget. I’ll never forget. My close, close friend that also lost her 2nd baby told me that, as time goes on, you do think about it less and less . . . but you never really forget about it. You just move on.
There are other monumental dates in my past that I’ve moved past and don’t remember as vividly as I once did . . . the date my grandmother passed away, the date I graduated from high school, the date that Jim and I said ‘I love you’ for the first time. All big occasions in their day, and memories I’ll keep . . . just not as forefront in my mind as they were at the time. I haven’t forgotten. I’m just going on.
Kate is due on June 25th, 2008. I found out I was pregnant with Baby 2 on July 6th, 2007. So, but the time Kate arrives, I will pretty much feel like I’ve been pregnant for an entire year. It really and truly does feel that way . . . I feel like I’m finally showing, finally feeling pregnant, like it took us soooo long to get to this point. But, it’s worth waiting for.
Today, I remember Baby 2. Today, I hug my belly and look forward to Kate, Baby 3. And I got up this morning to a smiley Baby 1 – who spent her first full night in her ‘big girl bed’ last night – so all is right in the world.
I love this picture -- it was taken in Chicago on 7/6/07, about a hour or so after we'd found out we were expecting another baby. The smile on my face is about as genuine as you will ever see. I was so happy. I'll think of that every time I see this picture.
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1 comment:
You took the words right out of my mouth! I have felt pregnant for months and months and felt like I wasn't getting anywhere! After hear the heartbeat today I finally feel like we are getting somewhere!
Tiff
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