Expectations

Some of you have asked me . . . how do you do it? How do you make it through these hard times with a good attitude? How can you handle two little ones without going crazy? I've even been told that I make having a toddler look easy (laugh, scoff, chuckle).

Well, my attitude is not always good . . . as my husband and two-year old can attest to. And, as you know, I've been pretty close to crazy lately. And making Meg look good is getting harder and harder as she finds her own precious personality.

Kidding aside . . . I think that I do make it through these hard times because I make an effort to set reasonable expectations for what is going on. I think expectations are key to managing change. To managing just about anything, really.

Some of my frustration with Meg these last few weeks is because I have let my expectations get out of whack. I find that -- when I take a step back and really look at what is happening -- I realize that she's not being as bad or unruly as I might think. Crikey, the kid is only TWO. I remind myself of that almost daily. I remind her, too. "Meg, UGH. Can you stop being a two year old?" jokingly comes out of my mouth at times. I have to remember that she's working things out in a way that her little mind thinks is right. Her little two-year old mind, that doesn't know all the definitions of right and wrong yet, that doesn't quite understand how this new baby in our house is going to benefit her life. I have to expect a little less from my little girl. Not exactly lower my expectations . . . there are certain behaviors and actions I just won't tolerate . . . but get them to a place that is reasonable and adequate for my child.


For Kate, I have expectations that she'll be just like her big sister. That too, has caused issues. Stress, really -- it's caused me stress. Undue stress. I worry because Kate is a fast eater and because she goes 3 hours between meals . . . where Meg was a lounger on the boob and would want it every 2 hours. I worry because she coughs and spits up after meals occasionally, which Meg did not do . . . so it's not expected. Anything unexpected coming from Kate totally stresses me out. I've said it before . . . I'm learning that different does not mean that something is wrong. Sometimes I need to cast my expectations for my baby to the side and let her develop and grow in her own, unique way.

Other times, it's nice knowing what to expect from Kate (for the most part), and it gives me some extra room to breathe . . . room I didn't find when Meg was an infant. I am OK with letting Kate cry it out in the crib because I know -- I expect -- that it's not going to hurt her and that she will go off to sleep within a reasonable amount of time. So far, no problems there. Maybe NOT being able to have already-set expectations for Meg is what makes things challenging . . . she's my 'pioneer', so to speak. With her, I'm forging ahead into uncharted territory . . . so I never really know WHAT to expect. There is very little peace-of-mind, like I have with Kate.

Expectations for myself . . . well, that's another beast all together. I expect TOO much from myself. That's the only child in me, no doubt. Only children are perfectionists amplified (according to the The Birth Order Book ), so I can safely lay the blame for my self-induced stress on my place in my family. (Or, I could blame my parents for not giving me siblings, I guess.) I'm trying, really I am. I'm learning that I can't do it all . . . and that I really don't have to. I'm also learning that I can have it all . . . just not all at the same time. I'm working on managing my own personal expectations, but it's certainly a work in progress.

If you sit back and think about all that we expect of ourselves as mothers, wifes, sisters, friends . . . . it really is overwhelming. Maybe that's what has been making me so crazy lately. Like I said, it's all a work in progress. I'll be managing these expectations for the rest of my life.