A Peanut

As if I don't have enough on my mind . . .

Kate weighed in at a whopping 11 lbs, 11 oz at her 4 month appointment on Tuesday. With furrowed brown and wrinkled nose, Dr. Ho said, "Wow, she's the size of a two month old."

I've been calling Kate 'peanut' for ages now because -- as I've mentioned -- the girl is tiny. But, the same size as a baby 1/2 her age? Really? She doesn't seem that small. Sure, she still fits snugly on my thighs (you know, when lying down with my knees bent) . . . and the car seat still seems about 2 sizes too big for her little body . . . but I didn't think she was as small as the doctor's say she is. And I certainly didn't think anything was wrong with her because of her petite frame.

The nurse at the pediatrician's office couldn't have been nicer. We went through the 4 month developmental milestones, and Kate passed all with flying colors.

Great head control? check

Follows objects with her eyes? check

Reaches and grabs? check

Puts pressure on her feet when in standing position? check

Rolls over? check

Babbles and coos? check

There are no delays, nothing to indicate any problem at all. She said, "Well, you're little . . . but little is often MIGHTY!" That made me feel good. Dr. Ho, however, wasn't as convincing. Her questioning and comments left me worrying about my little emaciated Kate. (Okay, so she's hardly emaciated . . . but she is so little!)

Does she eat enough? you might ask. Dr. Ho certainly did. The answer: Yes. Honestly, she does. Kate eats anywhere from 5 to 6 times a day . . . mostly because (praise God) she's sleeping through the night these days, and that's all the feeding we can cram into her in a 12 hour day. I can feel the difference in my body when she eats, so I know she's getting a lot of milk. Her 'under-weightness' is not really a reason to start supplementing with formula or additional bottles of breast milk. She eats what she wants, when she wants . . . and that's about all we can do. Dr. Ho agreed that formula wasn't the answer.

Instead, Dr. Ho hinted around about adding cereal to Kate's daily routine as an attempt to get more calories into her. *Sigh* I'm not ready for that, and I don't think Kate is, either. She's been taking Tylenol the past 2 days (to help her recover from the 4 month shots), and it's all I can do to get her to move the liquid from her cheek to the back of her throat. Developmentally, she's not ready to eat from a spoon yet. And she certainly can't sit up, which would help in the whole eating process. I waited until about 5 1/2 months with Meg, and I think I'll do the same for Kate . . . "AMA", I guess you could say.

I was shown Kate's growth chart, which is a crazy downward curve. She's gained only 1 pound and grown only 1 inch since her 2 month appointment in August. And Dr. Ho was only moderately convincing about the fact that this could all fix itself as she continues to grow.

"She's the picture of health," Dr. Ho said as she shrugged and listened to Kate's heart and abdomen. "Babies do come in all shapes and sizes . . . so let's just see how she's doing at her 6 month in December." She wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear -- that Kate is totally fine, just a peanut.

I asked what the chances are that something could actually be wrong . . . given the fact that Kate is totally on track for development, eats and sleeps great, and could not have a better temperment. What else could be wrong with Kate? Dr. Ho did insist that the chances of some underlying problem are very rare. And again, she said, "We'll she how she's doing at 6 months."

Now I feel like I need to pump all the calories I can into Kate each day. It's like a race to see how much bigger I can help her get in two month's time.

Oh -- is that a little whimper? Want the boob, Kate?

When is the last time you ate?

How long have we been sitting here nursing?

UGH. I drive myself crazy.

I know, I know. She's fine. She's just small, and there is nothing wrong with that. I know.

But still . . .

You take your kid in for a well-baby visit and expect to leave with a crying infant and too many band aids on his/her legs . . . you don't expect to leave with a tiny baby and a head full of wonder about what might be keeping her so small.