An Apology

Dear Nana Dahlby & Papa,

I sincerely hope you enjoyed your visit with us this past week at least as much as we enjoyed having you. We are so grateful that you drove the 16+ hours to come and help us take care of kids, shop, make dinners, decorate the house . . . and all of the various and sundry thing we crammed into your 5 days with us. We always enjoy having you here.

And, I think I owe you one big, fat apology.

I'm really a bit embarrased at how I acted while you were visiting. I know that I was not the easiest person to get along with . . . and I moped around at least 1/2 of Friday and most of Saturday for reasons that I was too grouchy to explain. I am very sorry that I wasted your visit . . . that I chose to act like a brat instead of cherish the time you were with us.

I really can't defend myself. The only thing I can ask for is that you try and forgive me, maybe try and understand a little bit of what I'm going through right now.

The transisition from one to two children has been harder on me that I could have ever imagined. The change is overwhelming . . . and I'm shocked by it. It is hard for me to even admit that it's so difficult. Millions of families have children two years apart . . . what is wrong with me that I am struggling day in and day out?

I think it's the change around our house. Just the sheer magnitute of change. I am finding that I don't handle change very well. Life around here has changed so much that I can hardly remember what used to be "normal." I'm having to make more and more scarifices in my own life to do what is needed for our family. I'm having to rethink the way the house runs . . . the activites we do . . . the basic functions of our days. I think you caught me at a bad time . . . at a time when we've had a lot of change and I'm not able to handle much more.

My inability to manage change only mulitplies when we have people staying with us for several days. I have to change my routine . . . and so do the girls. I have to change the way I parent the kids (whether you want me to or not -- I can't help it). I have to change the things I do, the things we do. Everything changes when you are here, and I'm sure you'd agree. And, after about 2 or 3 days, it gets to be a lot to deal with. I think by Friday, I was spent . . . I'd lost it. I was wishing for my 'normal' to come back again (whatever that is, exactly).

What truly pushed me over the edge this week was the fact that my husband -- your son -- was relatively absent from your entire visit. Jim is the one that I can bark orders at when things get to be too much . . . he is the one who knows how things should go around here, so he can jump in and help when he notices that help is needed. He grounds me; he is my rock. Without him, I felt a little overwhelmed. You have to admit . . . Jim has been gone so, SO much in the last 3 weeks . . . and then he was gone quite a bit with work (and the football game) while you were here in town. Without him, it's all me when you are visiting. Thank creates even more work for me . . . more things for me to do, on top of all that is involved in our normal routine. And -- come on -- even YOU get tired of looking at me, I'm certain.

Add to that a baby that was up all night, a toddler pooping in her pants and feverish from the arrival of her two-year molars, and two photo sessions for HD Portraits . . . and I was simply unable to manage it all and maintain a smile. After about 2 days, I was no longer capable of being a good host . . . and I was mad at my husband for his lack of support . . . so it all manifested itself in bratty behavior and grouchiness on my part.

I'm not saying that you 'overstayed your welcome' or your visit was too long. I'm not saying for a second that we don't love having you. I would never say that . . . and I would never, ever think it. We love your visits, and we want to you come as often and for as long as you can. The girls adore their Nana and Papa, and we adore your help and your kindness to our family when you are here. Please don't misunderstand me -- you are very wanted around here.

I'm just apologizing the best way that I know how for the way I acted . . . the way I handled the change in our house while you were here. I didn't do a good job. I make no excuses . . . except that it may have been a little easier if I'd had more help from Jim . . . and I think he realizes, too, the he didn't make it easy on me last week. We have learned from this, and we'll change what we do next time around.

Next time, I assure you that I will try to do better. I'm very sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I hope we can move on and enjoy our time together when we see you again in two weeks.

Change sucks. I'm not good at it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let it ruin part of your visit (and I hope it didn't ruin the whole thing).

Thank you again for everything you did while you were here . . . and everything you do for us all the time. No matter what has changed around here, you guys have continued to provide for us in any way you can, and we value that love and support more than you'll ever understand.

Enjoy the drive back to Kansas . . . and we love you.

With many apologies and even more gratitude,

Heather