Need vs. Wants

I've been having a hard time putting my finger on exactly what feels so different around here. It's more that the new baby and our growing toddler . . . to me, it seems like something else has shifted. Something I couldn't quite figure out.

But I think I've got it now.

As a 30 year old grown woman, I'm finally having to truly understand that difference between my needs vs. my wants.

I'm spoiled, I'll admit it. Only child, daddy's girl, all that stuff. I know that I've always gotten my way and did things exactly how I wanted them done. But life is different now. I'm not # 1 in my own life anymore. Meg and Kate are most important, of course . . . and without hesitation. But, little old me, I think I'm having a hard time taking a backseat to the needs of my family.

• I want to go swimming with Meg when we go to the pool, but I need to sit on the side and watch Kate. So, I sit on the side and watch.
• I want to sit on the couch and watch TV in the evening, but I need to keep the girls in their routine (and there is no need for Jim to do it all alone). So, I muster up the strength and energy to get everything done.
• I want to go shopping for new clothes, but I need to wait until some of the baby weight starts to come off (UGH). So, I wear the same two shirts and one pair of shorts day in and day out.
• I want to go to an out-of-town wedding with Jim, but I need to stay home with our baby. So, I send a gift and wish I could go.

It's all about priorities, honestly. They are changing all the time at our house, as with any growing family . . . but now they are changing in ways I guess I didn't see coming.

Time is one thing that I'm now having to prioritize in ways that I've never experienced before. I want to do so many things . . . fun things, rewarding things, things with the family, things for me. And before, these 'fun things' were often what I did first, when time was not an issue. The boring and mundane chores are the things I could usually put off until I felt like doing them. I'd wait until I found the motivation to do stuff like clean, pay bills, etc . . . then all of that would get done and I'd go back to the fun stuff.


Now, with two kids and all that entails, I find that when I have any free time, the boring and mundane necessary tasks MUST get done first. And that kinda sucks for a spoiled little girl like me. When I use up all of my ever-so-limited free time on laundry, grocery shopping, and HD Portraits client work, there just is no time left for the things I used to spend hours doing (like blogging, emailing, playing with photos in Photoshop -- fulfilling my computer addiction I've once blogged about).

I now sit down with my 'To Do' list and decide what NEEDS to get done and what I WANT to get done. Then the needs beat out the wants. In the old days, the top of my list might include stuff like working on Kate's Baby Book and sending photos off to be printed. Now my (long) list is topped with -- oh, I don't know -- showering, washing the girls dirty clothes, and emptying all the trash cans. When you only get maybe 25 or 30 free minutes in an afternoon, it's hard to even get that done.

And -- this new need to prioritize has also changed HOW I do some of these things. I want to spend an hour cleaning the kitchen . . . making it sparkling clean . . . but I need to do a million other things. So, the kitchen gets cleaned to the point where you can't see dirt, and off I go to do the other things that need doing. There once was a day when I wouldn't stand for clutter to collect on our kitchen-area desk. There are many days now when I can barely see the counter top.

Oh, the things I want to do . . .

They are silly things, really. Work on Kate's Baby Book, like I said. Edit my family's photos (instead of the photos for some other family). Return emails with thoughtful writing . . . not just a quick 'hey, here is your answer' note. Clean out my closet. Sew slipcovers for some playroom floor pillows I have.

In the old days, this stuff would be done in a week's time. Now, some of these things have remained on my list for weeks.

All of this makes me laugh at myself for EVER complaining about one child. Having one is a breeze . . . though you can't see it at the time. I remember thinking I was busy before . . . but really, what on earth did I have to do? Oh . . . all that stuff for ME, guess. I could still get that done then, though it made me feel busy.

Now, it just doesn't get done.

I'll cope. I'm coping. It gets easier every day. I'm finding short cuts. I'm working on settling for new ways and methods.

It's hard. All of it. Change is never easy.

I want it to be easy. But maybe it needs to be hard. That way, we appreciate it all that much more.