Dear Audra

Jim’s cousin, Audra, and her husband had their first baby girl – Madigan Kate – on Sunday evening. We can’t meet her for a while . . . they live in Missouri . . . so I have written her a letter and sent her a package to let her know how much we are thinking of them.

Here is the letter . . . for my mom friends, you can let me know if I missed anything. For my kid-less buddies, you can read about what YOU have to look forward to!

Dear Audra (and Brad – but really, this one is for Audra!) . . .

WELCOME Madigan!! We cannot wait to meet her!!

So, I’m thinking of you all the time right now – wondering how that baby is, how she smells, what she looks like! Ah, newborns are the best! I know you have tons and tons of family and friends that are telling you all kinds of things right now . . . and I wanted to chime in and share with you some of the things I wish someone had told me. Maybe someone HAS told you – or maybe my advice won’t prove true – but this is from one mom to another, so I didn’t want to leave anything out.

Things nobody ever told me about motherhood (the first year, anyway) – in no particular order:

The first few days fly by without you even noticing anything – you are in newborn baby heaven! Don’t forget that YOU and your body went through something traumatic, too. Rest as much as you can – even though you want to spend every minute with that baby. Let them all wait on you hand and foot, and you’ll wait on the baby. YOU do deserve some pampering – so make sure you get it!

Take advantage of the free meals. If someone offers, tell them what you want and don’t be shy! Everyone wants to help you – and this is a great way they can pitch in.

Losing sleep didn’t matter a bit, at least for me. How could I complain when I had that beautiful face to wake up to?

CRYING PEAKS at 6 WEEKS. She’ll cry and fuss – probably in the evening – for a period of one or two weeks, right about this time. It’s a bit challenging, but it passes quickly. She cries for many reasons – the day is long for babies, they get over stimulated, your milk is at its lowest, etc. They fuss and fuss – but it’s OK. You and Madigan WILL get through it together. Let Brad help – or have your mom(s) come over to take on an evening shift! She won’t care WHO is holding and bouncing her – as long as someone is.

EVERY phase is short. The bad ones – and, sadly, the good ones, too. Don’t stress – as soon as you think you have her figured out, she will change, I GUARANTEE it.

She will NOT be on a schedule for at least 4, 5, 6 months. As much as you may want her to be, she won’t. I don’t care WHAT those books say. I don’t know anyone that actually had their baby on a schedule before at least 4 months. The only schedule she’ll have is eating every 2-3 hours, so you just live your life 3 hours at a time. You get used to it – it’s not so bad, and – as I said – it goes by quickly. Just let her sleep when she wants to sleep and eat when she wants to eat – that made for a happy baby at our house!

Don’t let her ‘cry it out’ unless you really, really want to. Again, don’t listen to the book-writing “experts” – you KNOW her, and that is way more than any book can teach you. Don’t feel obligated to do what those books say – what other people say – she’s all yours, so do as YOU please. You cannot RUIN her or spoil her – even past the first few weeks!! Just follow your gut.

Watch Brad with her. Soak it up. It’s amazing. There is nothing like it in the world. (I’m tearing up just thinking of it!)

Watch your dad with her, too. Just watching is fantastic – seeing someone so big with someone so small. Ahh, it’s pretty amazing, too.

Life WILL change in every single solitary way. From top to bottom, inside and out. People told me that all along – and I nodded and smiled – but it is incomprehensible until that bundle comes home with you. You are only beginning to understand in these first few days and weeks . . . I think it really hits you between her 3rd and 4th months.

Stick it out with breastfeeding as long as you can!! It’s great and SO easy compared to hauling a bottle everywhere. (You know that Meg and I really enjoyed breastfeeding – so if you have any questions at ALL about that – ANY – don’t hesitate to ask!)

Just one smile will make you cry. It takes a month or so – but it’s worth the wait.

Giggles are the best form of medicine. Anytime. Giggling is a little ways off for Madigan . . . but it will happen before you know it!

Lots and LOTS of thank you notes. They don’t stop for a while, really – and you will probably have to go out and buy more than you have on hand. It’s really incredible how much people do for you – and WHO does stuff – people you would never even think of. Or, for us anyway, people I’d never even met. The thank yous take a while – but you have time while she sleeps.

It takes about a month for that belly to really go away. I know – that isn’t great news – but just lay around in those maternity clothes and PJs for a bit longer. The BEST feeling is when you really get your figure back and you can wear a BELT! Remember those? ;)

You can still eat as much as you’d like . . . don’t worry about the baby weight just yet because it’s not going away any faster if you start your diet NOW. Let you body heal and your milk get established . . . diet later. (For me, the weight didn’t come off until about 12 weeks, then it just melted away, about 1 or 2 pounds a week. By the time she was 6 months, I was back to my old self.)

Crying for YOU in these next few weeks is totally normal, and it may come when you least expect it . . . and for no reason. Just cry – it feels good.

When the dust settles, you have a family. You are your very own family – mom, dad, and baby. Pretty stinkin’ cool.

From now on, you will probably refer to yourself as “Mommy” ALL the time. You’ll even do it to other people’s kids on accident – and you aren’t even THEIR mom!

BIG events are: when Madigan squeals, when she grunts, when she yawns, when she snuggles, sneezes, burps, when she coughs . . . all of these will solicit a response from you and everyone else around her, no doubt.

At 3 months, she’ll probably start to drool a lot. No, it’s NOT teeth. That is not very likely, anyway. I swear that ALL my friends think their babies are getting teeth at 12 weeks! (I did, too – for that matter!) Their saliva glands kick in at about this time, but their lips aren’t able to hold in the juice . . . so they drool a bit. It’s all good – bibs are a life saver.

If she is a “spitter” (meaning she spits up a lot), that really goes on until about 6 months, she starts sitting up. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news – but I would have liked to know that in the beginning – and hopefully she won’t be a “spitter”!!!

Nobody ever told me that love like this is possible. That you could love something and someone so much that it hurts your bones. You have an entirely new outlook on life because of this love. Just one glance at her, at Brad, and all is right with the world. Who knew this was even possible???

That is all that I can think of right now – if I think of anything else, I’ll hand-write it in! There is so, so very much to look forward to. Being a mom is wonderful. Being a family is fantastic. It’s only the beginning!

Congratulations to you both! Snuggle her for us – we wish we could be there to see you all. Happy Happy Day! Good Luck in these next few weeks – they are fantastic and fly by so quickly!

All our Love –

The Dahlbys