Addiction

I am addicted to the computer.

I love email. I check email at least hourly . . . unless I’m out of the house . . . in which case, I check it almost as soon as I come home. I have set up a sound so that, when an email arrives, I can hear the sound all over the house. I check email right before I go to bed and first thing when I get up . . . honestly, the only thing that ever comes between those 2 times is junk mail . . . but still, check it I must. I’m sure that I’ve freaked one or two of you out by responding to an email SO quickly . . . dude, I’m on it all the time.

I’m also in LOVE with Flickr. http://www.flickr.com/ , for those of you who are unaware of this fabulous photo sharing site. Jim is to blame for that addiction . . . I bet he wished he’d never shown it to me. I am on the site constantly – at LEAST as much as email. Because it is full of professional and pseudo-professional photographers like myself, I am perusing the website daily for photo ideas. I post my own photos, then await comments anxiously. I’ve developed quite a network of friends on Flickr . . . friends that I consider to be good buddies, yet I know them only through cyberspace. One friend lives in Seattle – with her partner and beautiful little girl that is nearly the same age as Meg. One friend lives in England and is going to be welcoming twins in about 2 weeks (I’ve even considered sending her a gift from her gift registry, but I can’t get the whole Euro-dollar conversion thing to work for me). One friend lives in the Canada and is just venturing into photography, like me. She and I were going to have babies together – about 2 weeks apart – so now I watch her photos to see how her pregnancy is coming along. I’ll probably never meet any of these people. But, to me, they are really my friends, and I enjoy checking in each day to see what they are up to.

I read friend’s blogs all the time, and I check friend’s photo albums for new pictures daily. I know that all of you don’t write a blog every day . . . and it might be a few weeks between photo uploads to your on-line album . . . but rest assured that I’m out there, checking. Daily.

My own personal blog has not helped the situation. I look forward to logging in to my blogspot account to see if anyone has left a comment. I love writing my blog, pasting it into the “new post” section, then reading it once it has been uploaded. What a waste of time . . . I just wrote it and then read it before I posted it.

Dude, I even look at Meg’s on-line album each day. I am the one that posted the pictures, but still I check to see how they look . . . floating out there on the world wide web. Pathetic, I realize.

I think I’ve become a freak.

I have set up a “play station” for Meg right next to my desk so that – on occasion – I can check in on the computer while she plays at my feet. I will admit – I don’t get on it very much when she’s awake and looking to be entertained. I realize that is neglect. But, she is my only saving grace. As soon as she is put down for a nap or for the night, into the chair I plop, and my right hand assumes the position.

I don’t know how to stop this obsession. I miss TV shows that I want to watch because I get enthralled with something or someone on the web (thank GOD for TIVO). I zone out when I’m talking to Jim on the phone . . . tell him I’ll call him back . . . and don’t for HOURS. Even when Jim is home, I sometimes sit in here and just lose myself on the internet. I’ll sit in here for an hour or so and keep saying, “After this, I’m done . . .” and then the hours just tick away. I miss lunch some days. I “hold it” so that I don’t have to stop what I’m doing on the computer.

What is wrong with me? HELP.

I think this is the most embarrassing thing I’ve admitted to so far on the blog. But, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right?