Single Mom With Benefits

My friends are often asking me about Jim’s work situation . . . what is like to have him gone all the time? Is it hard? Don’t you need his help?

I often compare these questions to one that I’ve been asked my whole life: what is it like to be an only child?

The answer to both is: I don’t know any different.

Jim has been traveling since the day I met him. He’s never been around during the week . . . and, back when I was working out of the home, I never really was, either. I think that was one of the reasons that we have had such a successful relationship from the very beginning. When we first started to see each other, I wasn’t able to smother Jim by seeing him TOO much in those first few months. He was able to enjoy “the chase” because he was gone couldn’t see me all the time. Had it been any other way, we may not have made it, honestly.

When we were first married, both of our traveling kept us busy. I was gone 2 or 3 days each week, Jim gone 3 or 4. During the week it was work-work-work, and we lived for those weekends together. I left my job and went back to school in 2005, requiring me to move to Athens, GA for a period of time . . . again, something that would probably not have worked as well if Jim were home 5 days a week. With Jim gone on business, it was nice to take care of my schooling without the worry of “what is Jim going to do?” I was able to make my own plans and could do it all knowing, “It doesn’t matter – Jim wouldn’t be home, anyway.” I was able to finish my degree in a very short period of time, having only to worry about my own schedule.

Now that we are a 3 man team, I guess things are changing. There is a little more going on around the house. It certainly would be easier to have Jim around daily to help with meals, bath, bedtime, errands, etc. I definitely miss snuggling in with him at night (and I always have missed that part). Reagan and Levi are fantastic, but they are no substitute for Jim’s warm arms and sweet cuddle. Selfishly, I’d love to have Jim here to fix dinner for ME during the week . . . and to get some things done around the house that we always have to leave time for on weekends (cleaning and yard work, for example).

In the very beginning of Meg’s life, I sometimes used to think that I was like a single mom. Ha ha. No way. I should never kid myself and think I have it that tough. I’m not at all like a single mom, other than the fact that I’m the only one around 4 nights out of the week. Single moms certainly have much more to deal with – like earning a living and providing for the family. I do have to take care of Meg solo a lot of the time, but I’m never doing it with the thoughts of, “When do I get paid again?” or “When do I need to take her to see her dad?” or “I wish I had someone to help me.” I DO have someone to help me . . . he just helps via satellite during the week.

And let’s talk about the highlights. There are many, surprisingly. I will admit that, sometimes, it’s nice to have the place to myself. I don’t have to worry about a clean house all the time because Meg and I are the only ones here. I can make my own schedule and not have to worry about what Jim is up to, when he’s coming home, what he needs, etc. I don’t have to make a full-out dinner every night (although that one is changing as Meg gets older and expects to eat dinner . . . geez, what a spoiled kid).

Back to the only child thing – I think that I’m rather independent because I grew up an “only”, and that this type of relationship suits my personality. I can still go and do as I please, which I love. If I couldn’t, I’m sure I’d adapt . . . but right now I don’t have to.

Another question I get lately is: Does he miss the baby?

The answer to that question, of course is YES. He’s not a heartless dad – he CARES a great deal about both of us. That is one of the reasons why he works so hard. I have one friend that has asked if Meg “knows” Jim . . . um – YES! That question kinda makes me mad, like he’s a dad who is NEVER around or CHOOSES to be away from the family. Really, Jim is around almost as much as any dad that works full time – minus maybe the 2 hours 4 nights a week that he’d be around to put her to bed. On the weekend, he’s totally hands on . . . helping, doing, playing. He’s a fantastic father, no doubt. Meg knows him 100% . . . she looks for him in our bedroom the mornings he’s gone, and she cheers with delight when she finds him on the mornings he’s home.

So, we like our life around here. It suits us perfectly. Will it change – will Jim ever stop traveling? No – no totally. As we grow, I think he’ll travel LESS . . . but it’s the nature of his job to travel, and he LOVES his job. I could never, ever ask him to leave it. Our life works out just perfectly the way it is . . . there is no need to change right now.

Single Mom “with Benefits” – that’s me. A little lonely, a lot independent, and no worries. What a life.