Saturday

So, what do I do after writing about my addiction? Try to break it!

No blog in nearly 2 days. I'm sorry to my one or two faithful readers . . . we have just had a busy 48 hours.

More tomorrow . . . or maybe not until Monday! :)

Happy Weekend All.

Addiction

I am addicted to the computer.

I love email. I check email at least hourly . . . unless I’m out of the house . . . in which case, I check it almost as soon as I come home. I have set up a sound so that, when an email arrives, I can hear the sound all over the house. I check email right before I go to bed and first thing when I get up . . . honestly, the only thing that ever comes between those 2 times is junk mail . . . but still, check it I must. I’m sure that I’ve freaked one or two of you out by responding to an email SO quickly . . . dude, I’m on it all the time.

I’m also in LOVE with Flickr. http://www.flickr.com/ , for those of you who are unaware of this fabulous photo sharing site. Jim is to blame for that addiction . . . I bet he wished he’d never shown it to me. I am on the site constantly – at LEAST as much as email. Because it is full of professional and pseudo-professional photographers like myself, I am perusing the website daily for photo ideas. I post my own photos, then await comments anxiously. I’ve developed quite a network of friends on Flickr . . . friends that I consider to be good buddies, yet I know them only through cyberspace. One friend lives in Seattle – with her partner and beautiful little girl that is nearly the same age as Meg. One friend lives in England and is going to be welcoming twins in about 2 weeks (I’ve even considered sending her a gift from her gift registry, but I can’t get the whole Euro-dollar conversion thing to work for me). One friend lives in the Canada and is just venturing into photography, like me. She and I were going to have babies together – about 2 weeks apart – so now I watch her photos to see how her pregnancy is coming along. I’ll probably never meet any of these people. But, to me, they are really my friends, and I enjoy checking in each day to see what they are up to.

I read friend’s blogs all the time, and I check friend’s photo albums for new pictures daily. I know that all of you don’t write a blog every day . . . and it might be a few weeks between photo uploads to your on-line album . . . but rest assured that I’m out there, checking. Daily.

My own personal blog has not helped the situation. I look forward to logging in to my blogspot account to see if anyone has left a comment. I love writing my blog, pasting it into the “new post” section, then reading it once it has been uploaded. What a waste of time . . . I just wrote it and then read it before I posted it.

Dude, I even look at Meg’s on-line album each day. I am the one that posted the pictures, but still I check to see how they look . . . floating out there on the world wide web. Pathetic, I realize.

I think I’ve become a freak.

I have set up a “play station” for Meg right next to my desk so that – on occasion – I can check in on the computer while she plays at my feet. I will admit – I don’t get on it very much when she’s awake and looking to be entertained. I realize that is neglect. But, she is my only saving grace. As soon as she is put down for a nap or for the night, into the chair I plop, and my right hand assumes the position.

I don’t know how to stop this obsession. I miss TV shows that I want to watch because I get enthralled with something or someone on the web (thank GOD for TIVO). I zone out when I’m talking to Jim on the phone . . . tell him I’ll call him back . . . and don’t for HOURS. Even when Jim is home, I sometimes sit in here and just lose myself on the internet. I’ll sit in here for an hour or so and keep saying, “After this, I’m done . . .” and then the hours just tick away. I miss lunch some days. I “hold it” so that I don’t have to stop what I’m doing on the computer.

What is wrong with me? HELP.

I think this is the most embarrassing thing I’ve admitted to so far on the blog. But, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right?

Dear Audra

Jim’s cousin, Audra, and her husband had their first baby girl – Madigan Kate – on Sunday evening. We can’t meet her for a while . . . they live in Missouri . . . so I have written her a letter and sent her a package to let her know how much we are thinking of them.

Here is the letter . . . for my mom friends, you can let me know if I missed anything. For my kid-less buddies, you can read about what YOU have to look forward to!

Dear Audra (and Brad – but really, this one is for Audra!) . . .

WELCOME Madigan!! We cannot wait to meet her!!

So, I’m thinking of you all the time right now – wondering how that baby is, how she smells, what she looks like! Ah, newborns are the best! I know you have tons and tons of family and friends that are telling you all kinds of things right now . . . and I wanted to chime in and share with you some of the things I wish someone had told me. Maybe someone HAS told you – or maybe my advice won’t prove true – but this is from one mom to another, so I didn’t want to leave anything out.

Things nobody ever told me about motherhood (the first year, anyway) – in no particular order:

The first few days fly by without you even noticing anything – you are in newborn baby heaven! Don’t forget that YOU and your body went through something traumatic, too. Rest as much as you can – even though you want to spend every minute with that baby. Let them all wait on you hand and foot, and you’ll wait on the baby. YOU do deserve some pampering – so make sure you get it!

Take advantage of the free meals. If someone offers, tell them what you want and don’t be shy! Everyone wants to help you – and this is a great way they can pitch in.

Losing sleep didn’t matter a bit, at least for me. How could I complain when I had that beautiful face to wake up to?

CRYING PEAKS at 6 WEEKS. She’ll cry and fuss – probably in the evening – for a period of one or two weeks, right about this time. It’s a bit challenging, but it passes quickly. She cries for many reasons – the day is long for babies, they get over stimulated, your milk is at its lowest, etc. They fuss and fuss – but it’s OK. You and Madigan WILL get through it together. Let Brad help – or have your mom(s) come over to take on an evening shift! She won’t care WHO is holding and bouncing her – as long as someone is.

EVERY phase is short. The bad ones – and, sadly, the good ones, too. Don’t stress – as soon as you think you have her figured out, she will change, I GUARANTEE it.

She will NOT be on a schedule for at least 4, 5, 6 months. As much as you may want her to be, she won’t. I don’t care WHAT those books say. I don’t know anyone that actually had their baby on a schedule before at least 4 months. The only schedule she’ll have is eating every 2-3 hours, so you just live your life 3 hours at a time. You get used to it – it’s not so bad, and – as I said – it goes by quickly. Just let her sleep when she wants to sleep and eat when she wants to eat – that made for a happy baby at our house!

Don’t let her ‘cry it out’ unless you really, really want to. Again, don’t listen to the book-writing “experts” – you KNOW her, and that is way more than any book can teach you. Don’t feel obligated to do what those books say – what other people say – she’s all yours, so do as YOU please. You cannot RUIN her or spoil her – even past the first few weeks!! Just follow your gut.

Watch Brad with her. Soak it up. It’s amazing. There is nothing like it in the world. (I’m tearing up just thinking of it!)

Watch your dad with her, too. Just watching is fantastic – seeing someone so big with someone so small. Ahh, it’s pretty amazing, too.

Life WILL change in every single solitary way. From top to bottom, inside and out. People told me that all along – and I nodded and smiled – but it is incomprehensible until that bundle comes home with you. You are only beginning to understand in these first few days and weeks . . . I think it really hits you between her 3rd and 4th months.

Stick it out with breastfeeding as long as you can!! It’s great and SO easy compared to hauling a bottle everywhere. (You know that Meg and I really enjoyed breastfeeding – so if you have any questions at ALL about that – ANY – don’t hesitate to ask!)

Just one smile will make you cry. It takes a month or so – but it’s worth the wait.

Giggles are the best form of medicine. Anytime. Giggling is a little ways off for Madigan . . . but it will happen before you know it!

Lots and LOTS of thank you notes. They don’t stop for a while, really – and you will probably have to go out and buy more than you have on hand. It’s really incredible how much people do for you – and WHO does stuff – people you would never even think of. Or, for us anyway, people I’d never even met. The thank yous take a while – but you have time while she sleeps.

It takes about a month for that belly to really go away. I know – that isn’t great news – but just lay around in those maternity clothes and PJs for a bit longer. The BEST feeling is when you really get your figure back and you can wear a BELT! Remember those? ;)

You can still eat as much as you’d like . . . don’t worry about the baby weight just yet because it’s not going away any faster if you start your diet NOW. Let you body heal and your milk get established . . . diet later. (For me, the weight didn’t come off until about 12 weeks, then it just melted away, about 1 or 2 pounds a week. By the time she was 6 months, I was back to my old self.)

Crying for YOU in these next few weeks is totally normal, and it may come when you least expect it . . . and for no reason. Just cry – it feels good.

When the dust settles, you have a family. You are your very own family – mom, dad, and baby. Pretty stinkin’ cool.

From now on, you will probably refer to yourself as “Mommy” ALL the time. You’ll even do it to other people’s kids on accident – and you aren’t even THEIR mom!

BIG events are: when Madigan squeals, when she grunts, when she yawns, when she snuggles, sneezes, burps, when she coughs . . . all of these will solicit a response from you and everyone else around her, no doubt.

At 3 months, she’ll probably start to drool a lot. No, it’s NOT teeth. That is not very likely, anyway. I swear that ALL my friends think their babies are getting teeth at 12 weeks! (I did, too – for that matter!) Their saliva glands kick in at about this time, but their lips aren’t able to hold in the juice . . . so they drool a bit. It’s all good – bibs are a life saver.

If she is a “spitter” (meaning she spits up a lot), that really goes on until about 6 months, she starts sitting up. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news – but I would have liked to know that in the beginning – and hopefully she won’t be a “spitter”!!!

Nobody ever told me that love like this is possible. That you could love something and someone so much that it hurts your bones. You have an entirely new outlook on life because of this love. Just one glance at her, at Brad, and all is right with the world. Who knew this was even possible???

That is all that I can think of right now – if I think of anything else, I’ll hand-write it in! There is so, so very much to look forward to. Being a mom is wonderful. Being a family is fantastic. It’s only the beginning!

Congratulations to you both! Snuggle her for us – we wish we could be there to see you all. Happy Happy Day! Good Luck in these next few weeks – they are fantastic and fly by so quickly!

All our Love –

The Dahlbys

15 Months

Meg turned 15 months old last week, as was noted in the blog from Friday. This morning, we went to the doctor for her 15 month check-up . . . which, honestly, I didn’t even know we had to do until the 12 month check up. Not much has changed – as far as growth, etc – but she had to get a 15 month round of shots, so off we went to see Dr. Grey.

Yes, our doctor is Dr. Grey. She’s a woman, but I don’t think she’s sleeping with any of the “attendings” . . . she’s a warm, friendly, middle aged mom who takes great care of us. And there is no slipping into a closet to get freaky with her associate, Dr. Ho, or any of the nurses. Seriously.

Anyway, jokes aside, we love our doctor. I remember when we were looking for a pediatrician as parents-to-be, I was totally clueless about what I was actually looking FOR. I was lucky enough to be working at an elementary school – which is a haven for pediatrician recommendations, as you can imagine. I got a few, called around, and met with our friends at Sandy Plains Pediatrics (free plug!). They were very willing to meet with us, they offered us tons of information, they were affiliated with Northside hospital, and they were close to our house. Jim and I left saying to one another, “Well, sounds good to me. I guess we can take ‘finding a doctor’ of the pre-baby to-do list.”

I think we were just lucky to get a great doctor and a great pediatric office. I’ve heard from some of my friends that they haven’t had the best peds . . . that they are impatient, always behind schedule, can’t fit you in, not very caring or kind. Dr. Grey and her associates are the opposite of that. Dr Grey always listens to ALL of my questions – and I usually come in with a list. She’s patient, funny, and HONEST. Honesty is key – it makes me feel like she really cares about us. She is not afraid to tell me what I should NOT be doing (like going get Meg when she’s crying at 5:30 am or feeding her more than 6 oz of juice a day), and she’s always telling me what she does at a mom to her own kids. I love the honesty. I also love that her nurses always call me back within an hour of any message I leave. Awesome.

Dr Grey has never been wrong. She told me to leave Meg in bed in the early am, and she’d go back to sleep. I tried it – it totally worked. She told me to keep giving Meg milk, and eventually she’d learn to like it . . . which was also true (and, really, pretty basic advice, but I needed it at the time!). She told me that I decide WHAT Meg eats, and Meg decides how much – key words that I’ve passed along. She told us Meg probably had a hemangeoma on her eye and recommended a fabulous doctor for us to see. She was right again, and the doctor we saw was awesome.

Having a good doctor is just a fabulous feeling, when you really think about it. I think I’ve taken it for granted. I am always comfortable with her thoughts and opinions . . . which makes me worry less about Meg’s health. I know she’s in good hands.

For a first time mom, I think I’m pretty calm about all issues related to Meg’s health. Now, when I think about it, it’s probably because we found such good care for her. Thank you, Dr Grey! Seriously.

Single Mom With Benefits

My friends are often asking me about Jim’s work situation . . . what is like to have him gone all the time? Is it hard? Don’t you need his help?

I often compare these questions to one that I’ve been asked my whole life: what is it like to be an only child?

The answer to both is: I don’t know any different.

Jim has been traveling since the day I met him. He’s never been around during the week . . . and, back when I was working out of the home, I never really was, either. I think that was one of the reasons that we have had such a successful relationship from the very beginning. When we first started to see each other, I wasn’t able to smother Jim by seeing him TOO much in those first few months. He was able to enjoy “the chase” because he was gone couldn’t see me all the time. Had it been any other way, we may not have made it, honestly.

When we were first married, both of our traveling kept us busy. I was gone 2 or 3 days each week, Jim gone 3 or 4. During the week it was work-work-work, and we lived for those weekends together. I left my job and went back to school in 2005, requiring me to move to Athens, GA for a period of time . . . again, something that would probably not have worked as well if Jim were home 5 days a week. With Jim gone on business, it was nice to take care of my schooling without the worry of “what is Jim going to do?” I was able to make my own plans and could do it all knowing, “It doesn’t matter – Jim wouldn’t be home, anyway.” I was able to finish my degree in a very short period of time, having only to worry about my own schedule.

Now that we are a 3 man team, I guess things are changing. There is a little more going on around the house. It certainly would be easier to have Jim around daily to help with meals, bath, bedtime, errands, etc. I definitely miss snuggling in with him at night (and I always have missed that part). Reagan and Levi are fantastic, but they are no substitute for Jim’s warm arms and sweet cuddle. Selfishly, I’d love to have Jim here to fix dinner for ME during the week . . . and to get some things done around the house that we always have to leave time for on weekends (cleaning and yard work, for example).

In the very beginning of Meg’s life, I sometimes used to think that I was like a single mom. Ha ha. No way. I should never kid myself and think I have it that tough. I’m not at all like a single mom, other than the fact that I’m the only one around 4 nights out of the week. Single moms certainly have much more to deal with – like earning a living and providing for the family. I do have to take care of Meg solo a lot of the time, but I’m never doing it with the thoughts of, “When do I get paid again?” or “When do I need to take her to see her dad?” or “I wish I had someone to help me.” I DO have someone to help me . . . he just helps via satellite during the week.

And let’s talk about the highlights. There are many, surprisingly. I will admit that, sometimes, it’s nice to have the place to myself. I don’t have to worry about a clean house all the time because Meg and I are the only ones here. I can make my own schedule and not have to worry about what Jim is up to, when he’s coming home, what he needs, etc. I don’t have to make a full-out dinner every night (although that one is changing as Meg gets older and expects to eat dinner . . . geez, what a spoiled kid).

Back to the only child thing – I think that I’m rather independent because I grew up an “only”, and that this type of relationship suits my personality. I can still go and do as I please, which I love. If I couldn’t, I’m sure I’d adapt . . . but right now I don’t have to.

Another question I get lately is: Does he miss the baby?

The answer to that question, of course is YES. He’s not a heartless dad – he CARES a great deal about both of us. That is one of the reasons why he works so hard. I have one friend that has asked if Meg “knows” Jim . . . um – YES! That question kinda makes me mad, like he’s a dad who is NEVER around or CHOOSES to be away from the family. Really, Jim is around almost as much as any dad that works full time – minus maybe the 2 hours 4 nights a week that he’d be around to put her to bed. On the weekend, he’s totally hands on . . . helping, doing, playing. He’s a fantastic father, no doubt. Meg knows him 100% . . . she looks for him in our bedroom the mornings he’s gone, and she cheers with delight when she finds him on the mornings he’s home.

So, we like our life around here. It suits us perfectly. Will it change – will Jim ever stop traveling? No – no totally. As we grow, I think he’ll travel LESS . . . but it’s the nature of his job to travel, and he LOVES his job. I could never, ever ask him to leave it. Our life works out just perfectly the way it is . . . there is no need to change right now.

Single Mom “with Benefits” – that’s me. A little lonely, a lot independent, and no worries. What a life.

One Year Later

One 9/21 last year, Meg celebrated her 3 month "birthday" . . . I remember that I was so excited. Three months is big milestone in baby life. I took her to the park to celebrate! Of course, she sat in her stroller the whole time . . . but I was one proud mama strolling around with my 3-month-old.

Yesterday, Meg hit the 15 month milestone. Probably not as exciting as the 3 month one was for us . . . but I decided to re-create some of those park pictures to see how much she's grown in the past 365 days.

Woah! What a difference a year makes.

Happy 15 month "birthday", Meg-i-licious!

Kitchen is Komplete (and Other News)

Today, the kitchen is complete. Yes, there will be no more people in and out to mess up the floors and prevent me from going about life as usual. No more meals out. No more feeding Meg in the living room (thank goodness). And, no more waiting. I feel like celebrating . . . with a dinner at HOME!

Here it is, freshly tiled . . .

If you don't like it, don't tell me! I like it a lot -- Jim hasn't seen it yet -- I hope he likes it, too.

In other news . . . I got my period! Yes, for one time in the past 3 years, I am acutally excited about that. I'm thrilled, really. It means we can start again . . . that we can try for baby # 3 and start to move on. I'm just so happy it didn't take a million years . . . sometimes my body is like that . . . but this cycle was only 35 days, so no complaints from me. If this is TMI, forgive me -- it's a big deal for today, so I wanted to "blog it."

It's funny . . . whenever I mention the miscarraige to a friend -- just in passing conversation -- I'm always met with a really sad face. Usually, "I know, I'm so sorry . . ." with a tilted head and a scrunged up nose . . . you know the look. I hope you all don't think I'm soliciting sorrow with my comments. I'm just the kind of person that talks about it when it's a part of the conversation . . . it was what it was, and I can't act like it didn't happen. Being pregnant in July and August was a big part of our summer . . . and it caused things to change in our plans for the next few months . . . so every now and again it comes up. Sorry everyone -- don't mean to freak you out when I mention "it" -- but you don't have to worry. We are moving on and trying again.

Happy Weekend, Everyone. My cousin-in-law blogged last week about how much she loves Friday nights because the week is behind you and the weekend is still to come. I love that thought -- everyone put up his/her feet enjoy Friday night!

Thursdays are on my Good Side Again

This Thursday was WAY better than last. Started off with a phone call from a friend with an invitation to lunch. At lunch, Meg and I stumbled upon a free concert-on-the-square, which we both throughly enjoyed. The day ended with Jim returning home from travels about 3 hours early -- always a bonus.

Now it's late, and I've neglected the blog for the day. Oh well, you can't win them all. Here's a pic to get you through until tomorrow . . .

I Love Days Like This

Today was a really fun day. The kind of day you aren’t necessarily anticipating being any better than usual . . . but the kind of day where, when it’s done and you look back, you think of it as one of the just plain old fabulous days.

For starters, Meg slept until 7:45. Any day that she sleeps in is good! Jim did have to leave to go out of town, which was the low point of the day. But – silver lining – he’s back tomorrow night.

Meg and I had invited a friend of mine and her 5 month-old son to come over and visit us for lunch. Really, my intention was to show my friend some of the tools I use to post photos, etc., on the internet . . . but she and I spent so much time talking and sharing stories that we barely did any computer work at all. Heck, we barely ate lunch. It was great. We had a MILLION things to talk about --- so much more in common that I think either of us realized before --- and the kids were great and let us gab away during our visit. It was a truly pleasurable few hours with a friend . . . lately, I have missed that! I was really glad to have her over, and I know we have many more visits like that ahead of us.

But – much to my surprise – our day was not nearly over.

After Meg’s pm nap, I decided the day had come to surpass yet another toddlerhood milestone: she needed her first haircut. I think she’s needed it for a while . . . but I didn’t want to lose her curls in the back. I wanted her to stay baby!! But, when my dad told me even he thought her hair was bit shaggy . . . I decided it was time. So we jumped in the car and headed for Pigtails and Crewcuts (with camera in had to document the occasion).

We had to wait about 15 minutes – but the haircut boutique ROCKED, so the wait was no problem. Meg played and made a few friends before we jumped in the chair for the cut. They didn’t take much hair, really . . . they just cleaned up the shaggyness on top and in the back. The lady that did Meg’s hair was very kind, which I appreciated so much. I pleaded with the woman to save as many of Meg’s curls as she could . . . she happily obliged. Thank goodness! I was a bit worried that Meg might come out looking like a boy . . . her hair wasn’t too long to begin with . . . but she didn’t. She still looks girl and cute . . . and her curls are still in tact. The first haircut was a success!

The haircut boutique shares the same shopping center as a Brewster’s Ice Cream . . . if that isn’t excellent property planning, I don’t know what is. Of course we stopped over for ice cream after the haircut . . . and I think just about every other family we saw getting haircuts did exactly the same thing. Who cares that it was 5:00 and dinnertime was looming? When you are already parked and out of the car, it’s hard to say no to Brewster’s.

Meg fed herself nearly her entire cup of chocolate chip ice cream – which was, honestly, not as messy as you might think. I love that she is so independent and wants to feed herself. It’s fantastic. It makes me PROUD of her! I think you could say that using a spoon is another toddlerhood milestone . . . which makes for a quite a big week at our house, I guess.

Following our excellent afternoon adventure, we stopped over to see my dear friend and her family (husband, 2 boys) . . . and ended up staying for dinner. Our visit was awesome . . . my friend hadn’t had the best day at work, so stopping by to visit ended up being very refreshing for her . . . I think she enjoyed the break and the company. I know I certainly did. I always love visiting her and her family . . . really, it’s like we are sisters. And, now that we all have kids, it’s REALLY like that. I was all up in her fridge and pantry not 10 minutes after I entered the house! I love LOVE friends like that.

Whew, what a day. Now it’s late, Meg is snoozing, and I’m just reliving our fantabulous Wednesday. I just love days like this.

All Better

Just a quick post to let everyone know that Meg -- after 8 days of not-quite-rightness -- is finally 100% back to normal. She was ok toward the end of last week and through the weekend . . . but still not eating and just not herself. Today, she woke up with a ferocious appetite and ate everything I offered her all day long. I almost cried when she finished her lunch. Really, I'm so glad she is better.

We went to the park to celebrate. Man, I love that baby.

What I Love About 3236 Talimore Circle

We moved in late July to a fantastic new house in a fantastic new neighborhood. We love it. I decided to write down exactly what I love about this place, so everyone else could love it, too.

In no particular order . . .

The front porch. I really love having a nice, brick front porch that is so welcoming and inviting to all who approach the house. It just makes the house feel “homey” to me. We need some rockers to help with the charm . . . but that will have to come with time.

The side-entry garage. It creates a really nice, large parking pad that Meg can use to ride her Cozy Coupe and push her Mega-Blocks Bus. And I won’t like – it also makes the house look bigger – no garage doors facing the street gives the illusion that the house is larger than it actually is. It also provides ample parking for guests. AND – it’s FLAT. I never knew how much I’d love that until I started chasing a toddler up and down the hilly driveway at the old place.

The kitchen. Despite the countertop fiasco (which is OVER now!), the kitchen is amazing. It totally sold me on the house. It’s so big! I love it. We have a large island with our cooktop, and our oven is built into the wall. We have what appears to be a 2nd, half oven above our actual stove . . . but it’s really the microwave! Those tricky builders! The kitchen has a desk area built in, and a really comfy breakfast area. The entire room, we’ve been told, is about 75-80 square feet . . . and I love every foot. Can’t WAIT to host a dinner party.

The REAL hardwoods. No more pergo for us . . . we have real, slat-by-slat hardwood floors in the foyer, front hall, and kitchen. Heaven. (Anyone know how to clean them?)

The back deck. Granted, it’s in need of a good cleaning/staining right now, but it’s still awesome. Like the rest of the house, it is super roomy and perfect for parties. It wraps all the way around the house and has an entrance at the end of the driveway. Love it.

Meg’s room. She has so much to look forward to, growing up in that room. It’s nice and quiet because it is on the back of the house. She has her own, connected bathroom . . . which I can use for her and for her siblings in the coming years. The closet is great, too, because Jim re-created the shelving we had at the old house.

Our master bedroom closet. Huge. That’s all there is to it.

The unfinished basement. Jim and I always said that we wanted 5 bedrooms and a basement. We now have the basement – and it’s going to be great when it’s finished. I actually LIKE the fact that it is not already finished. We honestly don’t need the space right this minute – but it’s there for future expansion. We can design anything we want – another bonus. We’ve already decided that we’ll put our 5th bedroom down there, and then this will be our “dream” house.

The neighborhood. Everyone here is so friendly and neighborly. We’ve met nearly everyone on our street . . . people were in the driveway saying hello pretty much as soon as we pulled in with the moving truck! We chose this neighborhood BEFORE we chose the house . . . we knew we wanted to live here. It seemed so family friendly . . . big pool, playground, tennis, sidewalks, etc. . . . and it has really lived up to every expectation.

From the moment we got here, Jim and I were delighted with our decision ot move. We were also so grateful that our old house sold so quickly . . . we know we are lucky in that boat. I want to climb the roof and say, “We got it! THE house we are going to be in for the next 15-20 years! We are so lucky!!” I won’t – we don’t know our neighbors that well just yet.

Of course, there are still many, many things we want to do to the house to make it ours. I’ve only just begun with the decorating . . . which, in this house, could take a long, long time. That’s OK. I can wait. We are going to be here for a while!

Go TEAM

What does it mean to be a “good sport”? This weekend, there were several occurrences that kept me thinking of the real meaning of this . . . a lot.

I should preface this discussion with a statement: I am a true-blue Georgia Bulldawg. My blood bleeds red and black. Sic’ Em . . . Finish the Drill . . . Ain’t Nothin’ Finer in the Land . . . and all the other UGA catch phrases . . . I know and say them all. I’m even referred to as a “double dawg” because both my undergraduate and graduate degrees are from that blessed university in Athens, GA. I always do and always will root for the Georgia Bulldawgs. NOTHING can change that . . . even the fact that I married a Georgia Tech graduate.

Jim’s friends are the ones who kept me thinking about what it means to be a “good sport” this weekend, as we tailgated before the GT/Boston College game. I take a LOT of crap from those guys about where I went to school. You see, Tech HATES Georgia for many, many reasons . . . one of which is that we usually beat them in football. We are in-state rivals and are – in a way – bred to hate one another. That being so, I have to take a lot of crap for that . . . because I am a Georgia fan and represent what they hate. And when I say A LOT of crap from my husband’s tech friends – I mean not just “a lot” THIS Saturday. I take a LOT of crap from them EVERY Saturday . . . and pretty much any other chance they get to tear down the Dawgs any other time of the year.

Really, guys, it’s getting old. I know that you hate Georgia. I know that we lost to South Carolina last week – of which I was reminded about every 10 minutes at the tailgate yesterday. I know that our basketball team is terrible, that we always lose to Florida, that we cheated you last year on the play where the whistle should have been blown, that our student body does not necessarily possess the same cumulative IQ and SAT scores that GT’s does . . . etc. All the ridicule and jokes are OLD and – I have heard them ALL. Enough, really.

But in my situation, being a good sport means that I just take it. I laugh and joke along when they ridicule me and my school. I let it roll off my back. I let those guys vent all of their inferiorities and frustrations about my University to me, and I don’t dish it back to them. Part of that is because I’m not that great with “come backs” – but, mostly, I just take it because it’s a waste of time to argue back. That only fuels the fire. Instead, I am a good sport and wear pseudo-Tech colors while I root for them (only when it does not affect UGA, of course) . . . and I just listen to the s*it they dish about my school.

But – when I’m being a good sport – am I being disloyal to my team? My dad certainly thinks so. See, another part of being a good sport for me is to watch, attend, and even – dare I say it? – support the Yellow Jackets.

My dad tells me I’m not a “true fan” because I do this. But – I must make you aware that my dad is a FANATIC. He doesn’t just love the bulldawgs, he lives and breathes them. Because I can’t support UGA athletics in quite the same way, my dad is constantly attacking my loyalty. He is so awful to me when I do things such as attend the tailgate that I attended this weekend.

My dad’s badgering, too, is getting old. I can’t DO what he does . . . watch EVERY sporting event and totally blast EVERY competitor that the Dawgs have. I have a husband that belongs to another loyalty, and I have to respect that. I love JIM – not the Yellow Jackets – but sometimes loving him means that I have to support what he supports. I think that makes me a good sport WITHOUT sacrificing my ability to be a true fan. (And Jim DOES return the favor!)

I should get a prize, really. Who else has to deal with this crap? Why can’t I just watch football like everyone else?! I guess I should have known when I married into a “house divided” (incidentally, another thing that is “getting old” – everyone is always calling us that!).

I always love football season and count the days until it begins. This year, I’m exhausted already. How much longer until Thanksgiving?

Mom, The Business Tycoon

There are some things that I always knew I’d do in my life. I knew that I would be a mom. I knew that I would become a teacher. I knew that I would have a good family life and, in general, be successful.

There are also some things that I never thought I would do. I never thought I would go back to school and get my Master’s degree . . . let alone from UGA. And, I never, ever thought I’d start my own business.

But I have. Introducing: HD Portraits.

The whole adventure started with a friend that invited me over to take pictures of her newborn son. I had done a newborn shoot just a few weeks earlier for another friend, so I was excited to gather my gear and head to see this second newbie. By the time I left, my friend had paid me and had me convinced that I NEEDED a website and I NEEDED my own business. So it began.

The name – HD Portraits – is, obviously, my initials. When I was tossing around ideas, I really wanted to do something different. A large majority of photographers use their name, ie, “Heather Dahlby Photography.” But that just didn’t sit right with me – my name didn’t seem to work. My dad threw out the idea that my initials are HD – like high definition. Since my work is digital, I thought that sent a subtle subliminal message. I chose the word “portraits” because I wanted potential clients to know that I do people pictures . . . not just pictures of anything. I do portraiture, not just photography. Put the two main ingredients together, and you have HD Portraits.

Once I had HD Portraits named, I was ready to reach out to the community and start my business. I contacted a local photographer who’s work I admired and who happened to be personal friends with some of the teachers with whom I used to work. I was so excited to chat with this photographer . . .hear how she started, maybe get some tips . . . but I did not receive the response I had expected. At all. As a matter of fact, this local photographer pretty much blasted me. She “yelled” (if you can do that in an email) at me for not charging enough money for my services. She went so far as to say that I was damaging the entire photographer community. I was so upset by her comments . . .she didn’t even have the decency to say one nice thing about my actual WORK. Ever artist is an egomaniac . . . we all need a little “good job” or “fantastic work” every now and then. In the end, the whole exchange left me very disheartened.

After wallowing in that for a day or so, I got myself up, dusted myself off, and decided that I didn’t have to listen to that – or anyone else’s – criticism. I own my own business, I can do whatever I want! That particular photographer’s main concern was that I don’t charge enough money . . .which, in all honesty, I don’t. After thinking about it, I realized that I’m not really in it for the money at this point. I just like taking pictures, so I charge a small fee and get to do what I love. I think some photographers (including the one I spoke with) charge way TOO much for their pictures . . . unless maybe they have found a way to print them on gold or something. Quite honestly, I like the business model I have set up for myself, and I’m not sure if I’ll change it any time soon. (I just have to keep charging enough to cover my costs and time . . . I don’t want to loose money on this thing!)

Since the time I started, I’ve set up a website, acquired business cards, and – most recently – established a logo. The logo is very exciting because it makes me feel so official. Jim and I are working on my website, which will most likely be “hdportraitsonline.com” because some stingy guy owns (but isn’t using!) hdportraits.com. The whole process of establishing a REAL website (not a free google site like I have now) is quite cumbersome. We’re working on it – I’ll let you know when we are up and running.

I’m really proud of myself. I still don’t FEEL like I’m a true-blue photographer . . . I guess that will come with time. It feels strange when I tell people, “I’m a photographer.” I look at the work of other photographers and am in awe at their talents. I am always comparing myself to people that have been in the business for 10, 15, 20 years . . . which is stilly. But, I have to say that the families I’ve worked with (20+ shoots to date) have all been very complimentary of my own work . . . that’s what I have to go on, and I can’t discount that. When these families start calling me back for second and third shoots, then I’ll really feel like I’m getting some where. Maybe I’ll even start to feel like a photographer.

Check out my temporary site on-line – http://hdportraits.googlepages.com/ and let me know what you think.

(That's me at "The Bean" in Chicago . . . Jim and Meg are in the background.)

Thursdays are Usually My Favorite Day of the Week

Today, unfortunately, is a bit of an exception. Forgive my rampant complaining . . . it has just been one of those weeks. I promise to start next week off with much more fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, Meg-is-the-best-kid blogs. But for today, I have to vent.

This morning, our countertop people were supposed to come back and fix a few of the minor details that we felt were left unfinished after their first visit. Just a few things need to be tweaked, no big deal. The one part of this all that is NOT so minor – the sink, dishwasher, and cooktop are still uninstalled. The items that needed fixing are not major – but they involve the sink and dishwasher, so we still don’t have the use of either. UGH. This is the third week that we’ve lived like this. The house is in chaos . . . ½ of my kitchen is in my dining room . . . and we are still washing dishes in the bathroom. When the service guys didn’t come yesterday, I was frusturated . . . I had to cancel the plumber and wait for today. When I got the run-around this morning about the service guys NOT coming out today, either . . . I was livid.

Jim and I decided to cancel our check for the second-half payment on the countertops. One quick phone call to the bank took care of that. I called my contact (the salesperson) and told her this, and – don’t you know – the owner of the countertop company was calling me within 5 minutes. Within 30 minutes, he was personally at our house and inspecting our issues. Before lunch, we were on the schedule for 8 am tomorrow morning. Withholding payment surely did the trick.

So that was what I dealt with today from 9 – 11 am.

The company owner was out of here right at 11am, and I thought, “Hey, Meg and I can make it to our swimming class today . . . it’s right across the street, we have plenty of time to get ready!” We haven’t seen anyone or done anything at all this entire week. I was excited to get out of here. We suited up and got out the door as fast as we could.

As we entered the aquatic center, I saw my friends and their babies in the pool . . . and then realized that I was (and am) a total idiot. We’ve been doing swim since January . . . the time is the SAME every Tues & Thurs. 11:00 – 11:30am. I showed up at 11:25am. UGH. Totally goofed that up, thinking that it started at 11:30, for some unknown reason. Ok – no biggie . . . let me just sneak out of here . . . but it was too late . . . my friends had already spotted us. I was forced to stand by the edge of the pool and declare my stupidity for all to hear. Then we promptly turned around and went home. Meg was a little confused. “Uh. Mom? Why aren’t we swimming with my friends?”

Next on our agenda: lunch with my photography friend. I was really looking forward to this lunch. My flickr friend is starting her own business, too . . . I was eager to see her and talk photo-stuff. Shop-talk, if you will.

I loaded us in the car, and we got to the restaurant on time, no problem. My buddy showed up, joined us, and we all enjoyed a nice, peaceful lunch . . . for maybe 10 minutes. After that, Meg wanted to get up and wander. Again – referring to a past blog – I am one of THOSE moms now. Meg turned loose and was everywhere. My poor friend and I could barely hold a conversation because Meg was wandering all around. And, if I didn’t let her wander, I listed to her whine. Wandering or whining . . . which is worse? UGH.

Then, toward the end of what should have been lunch but was really just a feeble attempt to shove my face while chasing my toddler, Meg had a big ol’ poop. A “new outfit” kinda poop, for all you moms out there. I took her into the restroom, cleaned her up, and redressed her in the spare outfit that . . . I soon figured out . . . has probably been in my bag for months. Clearly . . . because it was TOO small (see photo for her get-up). I just laughed. My flickr friend was a great sport about it all. I hope she’ll have lunch with us again in the future . . . maybe I’ll get a babysitter next time.

Now it’s 3pm, and Meg is napping. “Sigh” Let’s see how the rest of the day goes.

Hope that you were able to laugh at this one, even if it was full of complaining. Really, it is comical. Life is just a barrel of monkeys, sometimes. (Whatever THAT means)

Another Day in Paradise

We are staying home again today because Meg is still not well. After discussing her symptoms with my on-call doctor (AKA: my really awesome, experienced-mom friend with an older kid), it appears that Meg may have Rotavirus. I’ve looked it up on numerous websites because, as you know, all of the best medical advice can be found there. What I read seems to describe our situation to a T. The one thing that totally baffles me – we had a vaccine for this! It appears that the vaccine has lighted her case, but still . . . why get a shot if you have to deal with it, anyway?!

So, another day in paradise. I haven’t been out of the house since Sunday. Dude, I haven’t even put on shoes. I did hang some pictures, do laundry, and clean the kitchen floor during Meg’s naps, but not much else has been going on. It’s been kinda nice to just rest and love on her.

In other news from paradise, the counters are not quite right. Yes, the look beautiful, but there are few details that need to be fixed. I HATE dealing with stuff like this. I already called the countertop people yesterday . . . like 4 times with different questions/issues . . . until they were pretty much like, “We can’t fix it today, so at least give us until tomorrow.” I feel like a nag. I don’t know if I’m being too picky. Oh well . . . we spent a holy-ton on these counters, so I want them to be right. Then, poor Jim . . . he came home last night and was even pickier than I was . . . and I got all mad about it . . . so we were arguing about the counters until we went to bed. This is not cool! Ah, the joys of being a home owner.

More updates later . . .

No More Topless Tuesday

Woo-Hoo! The countertops are in! We’ve being going "topless" for 2 weeks now, and I’m so excited to have the counters and most of my kitchen back. It was kind of nice to be able to just put stuff in the drawers without opening them . . . but I guess I'll have to get over my laziness and start actually opening the drawers again. I still don’t have a functioning sick, dishwasher, or cooktop, but that is on tap for tomorrow afternoon. By tomorrow night, I can cook my family a fabulous dinner and then wash all their dishes for them (whoopee).

Going without a kitchen has been hard. You underestimate how MUCH you use your sink, really. I thought that it wouldn’t be bad – we’d use paper plates, we have a water dispenser in the fridge – what more will I need? A LOT. Aside from drinking water, you need a sink for nearly everything! I’ve peeled fruit over the trash can, washed dishes in our pedestal sink, left them to dry on the back of the toilet, hosed off Meg’s high chair tray outside, gone through a million baby wipes during after-meal clean up, made coffee in the bathroom, and figured out various other tricks to get us through the past 2 weeks. We also didn't have anywhere to PUT anything . . . we got really good at balancing items on the small pieces of wood around the edges of the counters. And then there is the eating out, which we figured would be easier on many occasions because there would be no kitchen mess, no dishes, etc. I’m very tired of eating out! And I think I've gained 5 pounds! I’m ready to have my kitchen back and cook at home. I have come to learn how much I do cook at home (and how much I like it).

Complaining aside – which is allowed in a situation like this – I should mention that the 2 week time-period is not the fault of our countertop people. They would have had us installed early last week, but then we special ordered a sink (delay: 2 days) and went out of town for the weekend (delay: 2 days). So, all in all, we have noBODY to complain about . . . just complaining about the situation . . . which WAS what it WAS . . . there was no way around it. The counters had to be replaced, and this is what it took to get that done.

It was worth it the wait. I LOVE the new kitchen with it’s sparkling counters and fancy new sink. The kitchen was already awesome . . . it’s huge and fantastic and great for parties. Now it’s even better. Next is the backsplash . . . hopefully that will be done next week.

We aren’t going topless anymore – hooray!



Note: Meg is still not 100% . . . so I’m starting to worry. She’s not really eating much, and she went to nap only about 90 minutes after waking up. Now she’s on nap number 3 for the second day in a row. We might make a visit to the doctor tomorrow.

Sick and Tired: Update

Now it is the day’s end, and we made it through without any more incidents . . . although Meg was not herself all day long. She napped 3 times, ate 4 or 5 little snacks, and generally just hung around in my lap. I hope that tomorrow she wakes up feeling much more like my sugey-boogy (my nickname for her) and less like a pukey-wukey.

I hate how helpless I feel when my child is sick. I realize that this is only the beginning . . . she will have much more traumatic illnesses than just an isolated vomiting episode. Honestly, she’s never really been sick at all . . . not even so much as a cold. She’s thrown up so few times, I still know the count (4, if you are wondering). What will I do when she has strep throat or a real stomach virus? Or worse – something that knocks her out for several days??

I guess I can rely on my instincts to kick in. Today, they sure did. As soon as the episode in the kitchen began, I kicked into full-out mommy gear. I moved so quickly and made decisions without really thinking about it. Only after the incident – when Meg was napping in her crib – did I relax and come down from the adrenaline rush. It’s pretty cool how that happens.

Being a mom has it’s ups and downs. Today was certainly not an “up” – but we made it through. Tonight, I wish for Meg to have sweet baby dreams of playing and laughing all day tomorrow.

Sick and Tired

Our day has started off with a bang. Meg slept until 8:00am . . . which, for me, was a real treat. I had time to get up, shower, dress, and even make coffee and breakfast before I heard her happy little yammering on the baby monitor. I got her up and fed, then we dressed her all cutesy for our first day of fall music class. I even put little polka dotted socks on her feet, and we were all ready to go. What a fun morning we were going to have!

It’s funny how your plans can change in a split second.

A funny cough of Meg’s turned into a gag and then – you guessed it – her breakfast came back up all over the kitchen floor. Poor little boogie. We don’t have a kitchen sink right now – countertops being replaced, a topic worthy of it’s own blog entry later this week – so I just had to let her get it all out all over the floor. She was hysterical, a total mess, and clinging to me with fright. I scooped her up and grabbed a towel to catch anything that might come up on our way upstairs . . . gave her a quick bath to just wipe her down . . . then dressed her in something super comfy, stripped off my clothes, and rocked her to sleep in her room (while wearing just my undies, yes). She was only awake about 1 hour, total.

I feel so very bad for her. Mornings like this make me very ashamed to ever complain even a little bit about that sweet little thing. She was so helpless when she was getting sick – and so scared because her body was out of control – I just wanted to hold her as close as I could and make her all better. Right now, it’s 10:04am and she is still asleep. I don’t know if it was something she ate or what, but I hope that it was just a one-time thing and that the rest of our day will be better. The fact that she was so tired, though, makes me wonder if she has a little stomach bug.

Need-less-to-say, when I redressed myself, I put on stay-at-home-mom attire: my lounge pants and a t-shirt. Even if she is back to herself, we aren’t going anywhere today. I’ve made her an entire bowl of rice (in the microwave, which takes about 40 minutes!), and we are just going to stay at home and try to keep our food down. We can’t go anywhere and risk her getting sick again – or, if it is a bug, spread it around to other little ones. No music class for us this week. We’ll sing some songs at home and snuggle until Meg is back to herself.

What we Learned on Our Trip to Iowa

We returned safely tonight from our adventure in mid America. Whew – a 3 day trip with a one-year-old is tiring. Maybe that is an understatement . . . it’s exhausting. What once would have been a grab-your-bag, no-problem type of trip becomes quite another beast when a toddler is involved!

We journeyed to Waterloo, Iowa, to attend the wedding of Jim’s younger cousin, Keith. He is a super nice guy – so is his new wife – and their wedding was lovely. It’s funny when you go to a wedding in another area of the country; they have such different traditions. At this wedding (as with all of the other mid-west weddings we’ve attended), they did a “dollar dance” with the bride and groom. Over the course of maybe 6, 7, 8 slow songs, various friends and family line up to dance with the people of honor, and they give them various amounts of money to have the honor of that dance. It’s a nice tradition – especially for the bride and groom, who certainly earned quite a bit of spending money for their fab honeymoon in Europe. We didn’t do it at our wedding. I look back now and think of all the awesome ways we could have spent that money.

I digress . . . back to the traveling with toddler-in-tow. It was not that bad, really. Meg is a good kid, so we really don’t have to get that antsy about a trip like this with her. The only major difference in this – her 4th or 5th time flying, I’ve lost count – was that I was not going to nurse her on the flight. My trusty fall-back is no longer . . . she’d have to gut this one out all on her own. We were going to have to learn some new tricks to get her through the flight. We also had to take a connection in Cincinnati, as there are few direct flights from Atlanta to the busting metropolis of Cedar Rapids, Iowa . . . which meant getting to the wedding was a 2-flight affair.

On the first flight, Meg was VERY tired. The flight left at 10:50am, about an hour and a half past nap time . . . which you would think would be a GOOD thing. Tired baby = sleep on the flight. Well, sort of. As relatively new parents, Jim and I are always learning . . . and on this flight, we learned that Meg does not like to sleep in your arms. After a 20 minute effort to get her to sleep on my chest, arms, shoulder, and/or any other part of my upper body, I pretty much flug her down on the open seat next to me and pulled her head into my lap. I was flustered . . . but this rash attempt to show her my frustration was met with those eyes ANY parent knows . . . the ones that are super heavy and start rolling back as sleep ensues. She was falling asleep! She just didn’t want to be held! I was so relieved. I joyfully petted her sweet little head (I wasn’t mad any more) for about 3 minutes, and she was sound asleep. The nap only lasted 30 minutes, but it was enough to recharge those batteries and get her back to a happy-go-lucky Meg. The rest of that flight was a breeze.

The second flight from Cincinnati to Cedar Rapids was going to be better . . . it was one hour, and Meg would make it without a nap and – we hoped – without too much whining. We were right. She was a doll and played with her books and dolls for most of the flight. What made that flight challenging was the terribly rude and overly strict flight attendant. She kept reminding Jim and I that Meg needed to be buckeled in an open seat or sitting in our laps for the entire flight. Uh, ever flown with a one-year-old? Ever SEEN a one-year-old? They are not going to sit still either in a seat or a lap for an hour long flight. We discovered that Meg was perfectly happy if she could stand up in the area where our feet were – not even in the aisle – or stand up in the her seat. She wasn’t bothering a soul. . . but the stinkin’ Delta lady sure made it hard for us. Every time the seatbelt Nazi was coming, we’d have to strap Meg in or snuggle her in our arms . . . which would interrupt her playing . . . which would annoy her. That made the flight a little less pleasant that it could have been, that is for sure.

When finally we arrived in Cedar Rapids, Jim and I were both pretty tired from our trip, and so was Meg. She fell asleep as soon as we got in the car and slept for an hour in her car seat. Hey, any way she can get sleep is OK for me. We’d made it, and that was all that mattered.

The flight home today was direct, and we used our new-found knowledge to make it a much better trip. She played in our laps for the first half of the flight, and when she gave us the universal nap signal (her hand to her head to sign “lovey” and a big, huge yawn), we quickly spread her across our two laps and let her fall off to a blissful sleep. She slept until we landed. What a joy. On that flight, we got a lot of, “What a great baby! She’s so cute!” comments. Funny, we didn’t get any of those on the way TO Iowa . . .

The weekend in Iowa was great. Once we got there, we had a great time seeing Jim’s family – all of the 20ish Dahlbys in attendance. It was our “debut” – if you will – as parents. In other words, it was our first big Dahlby event with Meg. I think it went very well . . . and it always helps that Meg is so well behaved and fun to be around. That is probably thanks to what we learned on our LAST vacation with Meg . . . she NEEDS her naps. You can’t push her to skip them too many days in a row, or she becomes a demon that won’t sleep at all. Like I said, we are always learning . . . we used that knowledge on this trip, and it helped make our adventure a lot of fun. Meg made us look like we are fantastic parents, which is OK by me.

So, now we know how to GET somewhere with Meg, and we know what she can/can’t handle when we get there. Hopefully the trip home at Christmas time will be a piece of cake (and hopefully we won’t have any pain-in-the-a** flight attendants!).

Week One, Over and Done

Friday morning we are off to Iowa . . . so no blog for the next few days. I’m going to go ahead and post my Friday blog now, since I’ve already written it . . .

I’ve made it one solid week faithfully writing this blog. I have no idea if it is being read, but I still enjoy writing it. Someone (my ONE reader!) asked me if it is cathartic to write about the things that are going on in my life, and I absolutely think it is. Writing that blog about my miscarriage really felt GOOD . . . it’s nice to get my thoughts out there (without having to SAY them). I hope that, as time goes on, writing this continues to help me get through good and tough times in my life.

Writing this blog is challenging, though. This week I’ve really tried to keep my posts somewhat upbeat . . . I try not to write whining, complaining, boy-I-hate-my-life blogs. Who wants to read that? But, for some reason, I want to write it . . . all the topics that I think of seem to be a complaint about something that is happening around here. That being said, all week I’ve been looking for the bright side of things so that I have something funny and positive to write about (hence the entry about Meg’s shoes) . . . maybe this blog is serving many purposes in my life.

Another thing . . . I’ve realized that my life revolves around motherhood. All the topics that come to me are about baby, motherhood, staying at home, etc. I guess I’m officially a mom now. Most of you are thinking, “You became a mom last summer, and you are just realizing it??” Yep, I am. I’ve had a child for over a year, but only now am I realizing how much every SINGLE thing I do revolves around her. Well – that is not entirely true – I certainly did realize that my life revolved around her for the 13 months that I was breastfeeding. But, now that I am writing a journal/blog about my life and what I’m thinking, I guess it is just hitting me that all I do or think about is being a mom.

I hope that my posts don’t get monotonous. To my friends with kids – I hope you can relate to some of my thoughts and topics. To my friends without kids – sorry for all the boring mom stuff (but you will have this to look back on when your day in the sun arrives!). To everyone, please feel free to leave me comments or thoughts that you have after you read . . . just click where says, “ # comments” and it will take you to another screen. I’d love to see the comments, and so would others . . . then we’d all know there is more than one reader out there.

Here’s to week two . . .

HD

Meg Has New Shoes

I friggin’ love these shoes. I could not wait for Meg to start walking so that I could buy her these fantastic kicks. Yes, they are girly. Yes, they are traditional. That is why I love them! When I was a little girl, I had my own paten leather shoes, and I loved those, too. My parents tell me I wore them to bed, I loved them so much. Now I’m a grown woman, and Jim bought me the cutest paten leather Mary Jane heels for Christmas a few years ago . . . I’ve worn them so much, the sole is practically gone. I’m looking for a shoe guy to fix them up for me. No, I’m not kidding.

What is about being a girl that I love so much? I wish I could say. But I am a true blue girly-girl, and I think just about everyone reading this knows that about me. I love hair bows, pink, purses, shopping, and everything else that is GIRL. I wish I could have been a cheerleader in high school or college . . . that is SO girly, with their fun skirts and pom poms. But, alas, I was in the band . . . at least I played the Clarinet, which is a pretty girly instrument.

When Jim and I found out that we were having a baby girl, I was beside myself. I tell the story often of how I woke up crying at 2am the night after we found out Meg was a girl . . . and I woke Jim up to . . . just so excited and elated that we were having a girl. I feel pretty lucky to have my girl now. Her room is – you guessed it – pink, and she wears a bow in her hair every day. And now she has some rockin’ paten leather shoes that I think are the cutest things ever.

What happens if she grows up to be a tom boy??

I've Come to a Realization . . .

Yesterday at the library, I realized that I’ve become one of THOSE moms. The ones that you stare at before you have kids and think, “I won’t be like that . . . I won’t let my child run loose all over . . .” At the library, Meg was wandering all over, pulling books off shelves and handing numerous books to numerous strangers. The process of getting a new library card and obtaining a few books was certainly complicated by my overly social, knows-shes-super-cute, one year old. I came home exhausted and ready for a nap . . . not my own nap, but Meg’s nap. I needed a break!

Today at Kroger was no different. My dad told me that he likes to take her shopping and just let her walk. This morning, since we needed only 3 items, I thought I’d give it a try. After picking up and replacing the candy, magazines, razors, aspirin, and God only knows what other small check-out lane items, I realized that my dad is crazy. Or maybe Meg is good for him when they shop (but I think it may be the former).

The key to the original statement I made is “before you have kids” – before you have kids, you think that your baby will be the BEST baby, will be the smartest, will never misbehave. You think that you can take your kid out in public and it will certainly NOT be the one to scream in the middle of dinner. Ha Ha. That may be well and true for you – and congratulations if it is – but for me, I have come to know that my baby is pretty much like everyone else’s. I have learned that I have very little control over anything. . . and really, it has gotten much worse since Meg started walking!

But that’s OK. I’ll take it all in stride. Once you realize that you are one of THOSE moms, you also realize there are LOTS of THOSE moms out there. So you aren’t alone. You learn to say “sorry” and “excuse me” and ignore any gruff sounds or grimaces you may encounter. You just hope that the stranger your kid is bothering is also one of THOSE moms, so that you really aren’t bothering anyone at all. :)

Miscarriages Are Like a Box of Chocolates

. . . you never know what you’re gonna get.

I never had any idea what having a miscarriage would feel like. I think that I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal . . . shamefully, I thought that, since the baby was never actually born, it was simply a sad ordeal that moms and dads went through quickly and got over in a matter of days. Why would it be so devastating? You were only pregnant for a few weeks, anyway.

I was wrong. Clearly, until you have one, you never know how it will feel.

I can try to tell you. First, it’s overwhelming. You know it’s happening . . . then the doctor confirms what you don’t want to hear . . . and then the arrangements are made to have any necessary medical procedures done to help your body end the pregnancy. For me, it was fast. The bleeding was noticed at 3:45 pm, I was at the doctor within one hour, and before the end of the business day, I was told that I was carrying a baby that was no longer alive. By 11:00 am the next morning, I had gone to the surgical center, been put to sleep and had my D&C, and was back at home in my own bed snoozing off the buzz from the anesthesia. I wasn’t pregnant any more. It was all so fast, I cried some . . . but I wasn’t really able to comprehend what was happening.

Next, you try to forget about it. It was only minor surgery . . . I was in and out, with really not much for follow-up care . . . I felt like I should kind of carry on as usual. Don’t wallow in it, that is for sure. I let myself lay around for one day, then the next I was out and about, celebrating a friend’s birthday and everything. This doesn’t seem so bad, after all . . .

The third day is the hardest. By then, you start to think . . . hey, this WAS sad. That WAS a real baby . . .even if only 11 weeks into the pregnancy. That was our baby. By the third day, you catch yourself remembering that you ARE NOT pregnant any more. Oh yeah – I don’t have to rearrange those plans or skip that engagement because I’m NOT pregnant. When we have the baby . . . when the baby is born . . . oh, wait, never mind. Those thoughts come in and out and you realize that you ARE mourning the loss. It was more than just a surgical procedure and all of the formalities with the doctor. You had a baby, and now you don’t. It is truly something to grieve . . . even IF it wasn’t born yet. It was very much a part of your family from the minute the stick read, “Pregnant” (we did the digital test . . . you fill in your own pregnancy test experience here).

I think that the next several days pass in a fog. For me, I was not upset . . . I went about daily life . . . but it did catch me off guard a few times, and the sadness of it all would set back in. When I’d see a pregnant woman, I would guess how far along she was and what time of year I would have had a belly like that. Honestly, the second week is much worse than the first. By then, I really felt like I should be moving on . . . again with the “it’s not that big of a deal” attitude . . . but I couldn’t. I wanted to be sad about what had happened to me – to Jim – to our family. And I was . . .but it was hard because I didn’t really want to let others know that, 14 days after it all, I was still crying about it. I didn’t tell anyone – not even Jim – and I just was mopey and mean. Today is 18 days after, and I still fight back tears. I didn’t know it would be like this.

When will I get over it? For me, I don’t think I’ll really get over it until I am pregnant again. It’s stupid – but feel like I have something to prove. I know I don’t have something to prove to others . . . but I have to prove it to myself. I want to know that this was just chance, fate, a fluke . . . that we can and will have more children. That it wasn’t my fault. In the back of my mind, I’m still wondering if we’ll ever get pregnant on our own. With this baby, it was so amazing to have the “do it yourself” experience. I want that again – but this time with a happy ending. I don’t know that I’ll be able to put this behind me until those questions are answered.

So, to help myself forget about the sadness, I try to get on with things. We are busy with the new house and with our fall activities. Meg is fantastic, and I spend time loving her to bits. But the emotions that this miscarriage have created in me are always right there, under the surface, waiting. WAITING – like we are now.

That was my experience, anyway. My miscarriage was unique to me and to my family. Others have shared theirs with me – which is very helpful in all of this – but no two are the same. Even if they are different, there is comfort in knowing that I’m not alone (as much as I may feel like I am). Like that box of chocolates, you never know what you will get. Honestly, I hope you never do.

Time for a Change

I want to write a cool blog. One that people read and then come back to read again because the stories and perspective are interesting. I am reading other blogs all the time . . . loving the take on life, the enlightening encounters with everyday life, the willingness to share their intimate thoughts . . . and I want to create that, too. I’d love to look back and read my blog in the years to come and ENJOY the writing. Maybe I am a copycat or completely unoriginal . . . but, either way, I don’t care. I want to write a cool blog.

So, moving forward, I’m going to try it. Maybe MY insight isn’t interesting, or maybe my life is just boring. Who knows? I guess we will have to see.

Next time you check in, my story might just be a tale from suburbia. It might be a thought I’ve had and want to express. It might be a heartfelt “diary” style entry that gives you some sneak peek inside my inner-most thinking. I’m just going to test the waters and see how creative I can be.

To my loyal readers, keep tuning in . . . this could get interesting.

HD