I Feel Behind

There have been so many things going on that I've wanted to blog about in the past few weeks . . . but the water in the basement followed by the stomach flu have kept me from blogging the way I'd like. I've started about 5 blogs about random things . . . but I have not gotten around to finishing or posting those blogs because more important things have come up. I think of interesting, enlightening topics all the time . . . but lately they have not made it from my brain to the blog.

I feel behind.

But don't we always feel that way? About nearly everything?

It takes some getting used to, this constant feeling of never being able to keep up. Just part of being a grown up, really. This blog is only ONE thing that I feel is constantly on my list of things that I'm behind on . . . lately I've also felt behind on grocery shopping, laundry, returning emails/phone calls, and editing portraits (of my OWN family). And many, many other things as well. I always feel behind on something. That's just the way it is.

Occasionally, I might kid myself and think that I'm getting a handle on everything. And just when I think I might actually feel like I am catching up, something always happens to throw me off. For example, I had JUST thought to myself that things were getting back to 'normal' after all of my father's cancer procedures this spring when my mother dropped dead in July. I cursed myself for even thinking that I was getting caught up on my life . . . but I think that experience helped me realize that I will always live in a perpetual state of being behind. There will always be something that needs doing. That is just life.

I can harp on it, waste time, and get more behind . . . or I can just do what I can when I can, and know that everything that needs doing will eventually get done.

Oh -- and then there are the things you want to do vs. the things you have to do. You can do a thing from the 'want' list and have fun doing it . . . but then something on the 'have' list rears it's ugly head, and once again you feel like you are playing catch up. It's a game I play with myself . . . rewarding myself with 'fun' activities and paying for it later by feeling behind on other things. Don't we all play that game? I think we have to because if we never took time out to enjoy something just for ourselves, we would most certainly drive ourselves batty.

Anyway, I'm feeling behind this Sunday. I feel behind a lot. Instead of a bullet pointed list of all the stuff I wish I had blogged about in the last couple of weeks, I think I'll just post this one about always feeling behind . . . and I'll let the rest go.

Now I can cross one more thing off my list. (The 'want to' list, that is . . . I have a dishwasher full of clean dishes in the kitchen that are screaming at me from my 'have to' list.)