The End

I spent a lot of time today thinking about 'the end.'

Tonight is the end of the wait for Kate.

Today was the end of my life as a mother of one, the end of my abilities to dote 100% of my attention on Meg. The end of the special bond I have with my one-and-only. I was sad thinking about this particular 'end.'

I went to get a pedicure while Meg napped, and I thought, "This is the end of this luxury for a little while . . ."

I'm sitting here writing this blog -- spending my usual obnoxious amount of evening time on the computer -- and I realize this will be ending tonight. Friday night, when we come home, everything will be different.

Aside from my dramatic end-of-line thoughts, we also did a lot of fun stuff just for Meg today . . . swimming, a trip out for ice cream, unlimited playdoh fun, chicken nuggets & fries for dinner (which I refered to as 'the last supper' for Mommy and Meg), and then I stayed with Meg in her bed tonight until she fell all the way to sleep. I tried to soak up every minute of (what feels like) my last day with her.

It was as I was laying there with Meg tonight that I really tried to turn my thoughts around . . . and I started to think of this as more of a beginning.

Sure, tomorrow everything is going to change, and days like today simply won't exist any more. There is an end there. But, there is also a huge beginning . . . the beginning of sharing my life with two daughters, two lives that we have created for our family.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a lot of new challenges and a lot of new excitement. It's the beginning of the rest of our lives.

Still, I'm conflicted.

Nobody prepared me for this . . . how I'm feeling today. None of my friends have told me how hard it is to welcome the second and not mourn the loss of 'just one' a little bit. How much you love the first, that you hate the idea of feeling like you are taking something away from them by adding one more to the family.

Dr Graham did tell me that I should never feel like Meg is missing out . . . that I'm giving her a sibling, which is something she'll treasure for her entire life. Tomorrow is the beginning of that, and there is no sorrow there. At least . . . there isn't supposed to be. But I just can't help feeling sad about it all a tiny bit.

I'm trying to be positive and think about what we are moving forward to enjoy . . . but today was a kind of end that makes me a bit sad.

Looking forward . . . tomorrow is a BIG day. I'm getting so nervous about it all. I hope we've made the right decision (to go in and have mywater broken, I mean -- not the decision to have another kid!). I hope it all goes how Dr Graham has promised, that there are no complications. I guess all of those worries will end in about 12 hours time.

Here is to the end of our family as we know it and the beginning of a brand new life.
Wish me luck, think of our family, and I'll be sure to let you know when Kate has arrived.

(And this will mark THE END of the 'When will Kate be here?' blogs, for sure.)