Dearest Kate

When I was pregnant with Meg, I kept a journal about my thoughts, experiences, and feelings during the pregnancy. Sadly, I must admit that I did not do the same for her little sister. The second time around, you know a bit more what to expect when you’re expecting . . . so I didn't journal about the physical parts of pregnancy . . . but my thoughts and feelings are not exactly the same. Here is something that I can do for her to give her some insight into her mommy’s mind during her time before birth.

Dearest Kate,

My daughter. My baby. Meg’s little sister. These are some of the names we have for you as we wait anxiously for your arrival in just about one week’s time. We think of you all the time, call you ‘Kate’, and wonder what happiness you’ll bring to our lives. Your nearly-two-year-old sister Meg proudly bounces around the house, showing off your nursery to guests and kissing mommy’s big belly. She might not know exactly what a baby sister means just yet, but she’s terribly excited to meet you, just the same.

Oh, Kate . . . you were our ‘planned’ baby. You are the one that we knew we could have . . . that we could expect your arrival . . . but the road to getting you had one bump along the way. You’ll learn about this in time. It’s an experience that mom and dad won’t forget, and one that lead us straight to you.

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I had a great feeling already that I was expecting. Dad and I had done everything we knew how to make it possible, and we just had to be pregnant. I was light-headed one day while shopping with your sister about one week before I found out you were on the way . . . I was hungry, I was tired. I just wanted you so badly, it had to be. When I took the test on a Sunday afternoon, Dad and Meg were playing outside, enjoying a fresh October day. The positive line on the test was faint – and I wasn’t convinced that it was really true – but more tests later in the day revealed that we were most certainly going to have you early in the summer of 2008.

The beginning of the pregnancy was nerve-wracking, to say the least. Getting to the 12 week mark (which was right around Christmas 2007) was a long, tough road. But I never gave up on you. And I never really thought, in my heart-of-hearts, that you would not make it. When 12th and 13th weeks came, we told our family and friends the great news . . . and people were delighted to hear that you were on the way.

We found out you were you on February 1, 2008. I have to tell you . . . I thought you were a boy. I was so convinced, even, that we’d decided on Samuel Ryan for your name. Dad thought you were a girl. When the ultrasound technician said, “Looks like a little girl . . .” I responded with, “REALLY?” – but Dad knew all along. He said he was not surprised that you would be dressed in pink. I don’t know that I really buy into any of that ‘woman’s intuition’ stuff . . . I could have sworn you would be coming out BOY. But – needlesstosay – I was thrilled at the idea of a sister for Meg. A girl. How lucky am I? When we found out Meg was a girl, I was so happy and excited . . . if you know me at all by the time you are reading this, you know that your mom is a girly-girl. I wanted a baby girl to dress in frilly dresses with hair I could braid and fill with pink bows, and someone that I could take shopping for prom and wedding dresses one day. But to find out that our second baby was a girl also . . . I just didn’t think I could possibly be THAT lucky.

I think your Dad would agree when I say that he named you. I was hooked on 'Grace' – I still love that name – but Dad piped up and said that Kate was # 1 on his list. So, Kate it was. Not Katherine, just Kate. I found your middle name by “Googling” ‘Kate Middle Name’ and the first entry I read was Kate Allison. I loved it – it stuck. About a week or so after we knew you were a she, we started calling you Kate.

The rest of the pregnancy . . . from 20 weeks until 36 weeks when I write this . . . has been great. I had nausea early on, but not too bad. ONE truly bad experience was all I had, coming home from the Georgia/Georgia Tech game in November, and Dad helped me through it. I’m a little uncomfortable these days, but it’s very tolerable. Sleeping is getting tough – but I am hanging in there. I have no complaints, truly.

The funniest thing about this pregnancy is the crazy hiccups YOU get daily. ALL the time. Two and three times each day, usually after I eat. It’s fun . . . I always can count on you to start bumping around, and I can usually let others feel your hiccups. Everyone gets a kick out of feeling you move. Daddy felt you for the first time around the 1st of February . . . it was during the Super Bowl halftime show. I, on the other hand, felt you moving around Christmas, back at about 13 or 14 weeks. I was really tuned in to that feeling, and when I finally had it, it was so wonderful. You move a lot these days, always letting me know if I’m not in a good spot for you or if you enjoyed my dinner. My little wiggly worm . . . I wonder if you’ll be so squirmy on the outside.

Your nursery is set to go, awaiting your arrival. It looks so nice . . . Grandma Dahlby helped with a lot of the décor when we originally used much of it for your sister’s room. Don’t stress about the hand-me-downs, little one. I’m sure you’ll be used to it by the time you read this letter. Just know that I did change many things to make the room uniquely YOURS, and I did paint your name on the wall by hand in an effort to give your room a new touch. Yeah, your nursery is pink and brown like Meg’s was . . . but it’s very much Kate’s space.

Now we are all ready for you, just waiting. Dr. Graham has told us that you could be as early as your sister was . . . which would me that we’ll get to meet you in one week. I can’t believe that in about a week I’ll have two darling girls. One that I know is fantastic, and one that I can’t wait to get to know. She’s going to be fantastic, too . . . there isn’t a doubt about that in my mind.

I love you, Kate. My baby. My little girl. You should know that I never, ever told people we were having ‘another girl’ throughout this pregnancy. Because – to me – you are not ‘another girl’ – you are my Kate, the second girl to enter our family, the one that is filled with life and excitement and wonder . . . and hiccups.

With My Entire Heart –
Your Mommy

May 29, 2008