Good Enough?

I am constantly wondering if I’m a good mom.

I mean, I know that I’m a great caregiver. I take really, really good care of Meg. I don’t mean that in a conceited way, I mean it in a confident way. I know that she is well taken care of. All of her physical needs are met 100%.

She’s loved. Boy, is she loved. Between Jim and I alone, she is basking in affection and adoration. Throw in our parents and put our friends on top, and she’s a sundae of pure love.

What I wonder about is other stuff. To me, being a mom is way more that physically taking care of your baby. Love it certainly a part of it, but there is more to it than even just love and affection . . .

Like, do I play with her enough? She is so very content to do her own thing, these days. If I sit on the floor, sometimes she’ll bring me doll after doll after doll, and we truly interact. But, sometimes, she just wants to play with her toys her own way. Yesterday, I felt like she played by herself a lot. I cleaned the kitchen, did laundry, cleaned up her playroom . . . all while she played along side me. I wasn’t actually PLAYING with her, though. I maybe played with her for 45 minutes, all day. On those days, I feel like I didn’t do my mom job. How much should I do that each day to feel like it’s enough? Is it OK when she just wants to play without me – and should I consider myself lucky when she does?

Do I teach her enough? Is she learning what she needs to be learning? I want to sit with her all the time and tell her new things, teach her things she should know. But, her attention span is limited, so I never know if I’m taking advantage of those brief times in the best way possible. I hope I am – and sometimes I really do feel like I am. Then I’ll see what another kid her age can do, and it make me wonder if I am doing all I should.

Am I giving her enough of myself? I feel selfish when I do things for me. Days when we go go go and she’s in and out of the car a million times because I need to run a ton of errands . . . those are the days when I feel terrible for dragging her all over with me. I think she enjoys some of that – but I wonder if she’d rather be at home with her toys. I feel selfish on the days when I’m just not in the mood and I let her watch too much TV. She loves it – I know – but I also know that I should be playing with her more (it’s a vicious cycle, I tell you). And when we are eating or in the car, I often zone out and think about the million things running through my mind . . . all wrapped up in myself. In these instances, should I be talking to her more, telling her what's on my mind -- just so she can hear someone talking to her? Do I talk to her enough?

And what happens when we have more children in our home? Will I ever be able to do it ALL??

Being a mom is hard. Taking care of a baby isn’t tough – but being a mom is hard.